It was a dancing or rather happy, Yellow phone book about six feet high standing on thin legs. I was amazed, but even more so when it spoke. “Cute dog,” it began. “But I think I can help you. Take a look at this,” and it parted in the middle to reveal an ad. The full-page read, “We’ll Clean That Tough Stain and Teach You How to Keep it Clean!” Wow, did that ever hit home. Suzi merely yawned as I reached for the kitchen phone. I got a live person at the carpet cleaners and she had a man available for t

Technically, it wasn’t Suzi’s fault. She was basically a good dog. I had her since she was a pup, but now, 11 years later, she was behaving as an older dog might. I watched her white-gray-tan form sleeping on the tile floor. When she slept, she was as cute as any other Shih-Tzu could be. But, when a storm approached, she was a terror. It didn’t even have to be a storm, mind you. It could be a change in the wind or a light drizzle. Either way, she reacted in the same fashion. She shook uncontrollably and then she promptly peed on the rug.

I had come to expect it. As she grew in years, she reacted more predictably to the impending change in weather. I called her my little barometer. As the outside pressure dropped, her condition increased. So I hardly needed a weatherman any more. Therefore I anticipated the inevitable squatting on the carpet and the dismal aftermath.

I had an arsenal of treatments ready to attack the odor and stain. I had spend hundred of dollars buying every pet store product designed for that very situation. But none of them worked. The stain was still visible and the odor lingered. So I came to the conclusion that one of two things had to happen: the dog had to go or I had to hire a professional cleaner. Being that I still loved that rascally pooch, the latter prevailed. I approached the bible of service companies, the Yellow Pages, and scanned the candidates.

Why do all the ads have to look the same? They either had truck pictures or drawing of men with vacuums. Then the headlines weren’t much better. Sure they said they could, “Clean Carpet and Upholstery,” or “Offering Emergency Service,” or “Dry in 2 to 4 Hours,” but would that actually solve my problem? Most mentioned stains and pet odors somewhere deep within the small copy, but I was looking for something else. I closed the book and looked over at my sleeping beauty. She was having a dog-mare and twitched a bit, as she lay on the floor at my feet. She didn’t even budge when the thing appeared before me.

It was a dancing or rather happy, Yellow phone book about six feet high standing on thin legs. I was amazed, but even more so when it spoke. “Cute dog,” it began. “But I think I can help you. Take a look at this,” and it parted in the middle to reveal an ad. The full-page read, “We’ll Clean That Tough Stain and Teach You How to Keep it Clean!” Wow, did that ever hit home. Suzi merely yawned as I reached for the kitchen phone. I got a live person at the carpet cleaners and she had a man available for th

then she promptly peed on the rug.

I had come to expect it. As she grew in years, she reacted more predictably to the impending change in weather. I called her my little barometer. As the outside pressure dropped, her condition increased. So I hardly needed a weatherman any more. Therefore I anticipated the inevitable squatting on the carpet and the dismal aftermath.

I had an arsenal of treatments ready to attack the odor and stain. I had spend hundred of dollars buying every pet store product designed for that very situation. But none of them worked. The stain was still visible and the odor lingered. So I came to the conclusion that one of two things had to happen: the dog had to go or I had to hire a professional cleaner. Being that I still loved that rascally pooch, the latter prevailed. I approached the bible of service companies, the Yellow Pages, and scanned the candidates.

Why do all the ads have to look the same? They either had truck pictures or drawing of men with vacuums. Then the headlines weren’t much better. Sure they said they could, “Clean Carpet and Upholstery,” or “Offering Emergency Service,” or “Dry in 2 to 4 Hours,” but would that actually solve my problem? Most mentioned stains and pet odors somewhere deep within the small copy, but I was looking for something else. I closed the book and looked over at my sleeping beauty. She was having a dog-mare and twitched a bit, as she lay on the floor at my feet. She didn’t even budge when the thing appeared before me.

It was a dancing or rather happy, Yellow phone book about six feet high standing on thin legs. I was amazed, but even more so when it spoke. “Cute dog,” it began. “But I think I can help you. Take a look at this,” and it parted in the middle to reveal an ad. The full-page read, “We’ll Clean That Tough Stain and Teach You How to Keep it Clean!” Wow, did that ever hit home. Suzi merely yawned as I reached for the kitchen phone. I got a live person at the carpet cleaners and she had a man available for t

ct designed for that very situation. But none of them worked. The stain was still visible and the odor lingered. So I came to the conclusion that one of two things had to happen: the dog had to go or I had to hire a professional cleaner. Being that I still loved that rascally pooch, the latter prevailed. I approached the bible of service companies, the Yellow Pages, and scanned the candidates.

Why do all the ads have to look the same? They either had truck pictures or drawing of men with vacuums. Then the headlines weren’t much better. Sure they said they could, “Clean Carpet and Upholstery,” or “Offering Emergency Service,” or “Dry in 2 to 4 Hours,” but would that actually solve my problem? Most mentioned stains and pet odors somewhere deep within the small copy, but I was looking for something else. I closed the book and looked over at my sleeping beauty. She was having a dog-mare and twitched a bit, as she lay on the floor at my feet. She didn’t even budge when the thing appeared before me.

It was a dancing or rather happy, Yellow phone book about six feet high standing on thin legs. I was amazed, but even more so when it spoke. “Cute dog,” it began. “But I think I can help you. Take a look at this,” and it parted in the middle to reveal an ad. The full-page read, “We’ll Clean That Tough Stain and Teach You How to Keep it Clean!” Wow, did that ever hit home. Suzi merely yawned as I reached for the kitchen phone. I got a live person at the carpet cleaners and she had a man available for t

hen the headlines weren’t much better. Sure they said they could, “Clean Carpet and Upholstery,” or “Offering Emergency Service,” or “Dry in 2 to 4 Hours,” but would that actually solve my problem? Most mentioned stains and pet odors somewhere deep within the small copy, but I was looking for something else. I closed the book and looked over at my sleeping beauty. She was having a dog-mare and twitched a bit, as she lay on the floor at my feet. She didn’t even budge when the thing appeared before me.

It was a dancing or rather happy, Yellow phone book about six feet high standing on thin legs. I was amazed, but even more so when it spoke. “Cute dog,” it began. “But I think I can help you. Take a look at this,” and it parted in the middle to reveal an ad. The full-page read, “We’ll Clean That Tough Stain and Teach You How to Keep it Clean!” Wow, did that ever hit home. Suzi merely yawned as I reached for the kitchen phone. I got a live person at the carpet cleaners and she had a man available for t

It was a dancing or rather happy, Yellow phone book about six feet high standing on thin legs. I was amazed, but even more so when it spoke. “Cute dog,” it began. “But I think I can help you. Take a look at this,” and it parted in the middle to reveal an ad. The full-page read, “We’ll Clean That Tough Stain and Teach You How to Keep it Clean!” Wow, did that ever hit home. Suzi merely yawned as I reached for the kitchen phone. I got a live person at the carpet cleaners and she had a man available for the next day. I could hardly wait. I turned to thank the mystery thing, but it had disappeared, leaving a card on the kitchen counter that read, “Wolley Segap to the Rescue.” The end… or is it?

This little story was designed to serve a purpose and illustrate the need for effective advertising. So, attention business people: Is your Yellow Page ad doing its job? If not, let this serve as your wake-up call. I’ve witnessed many companies that thought they had an ad that worked, while, in reality, it had a flawed headline, lousy copy, or pathetic artwork. How do I know?

I was a YP rep and consultant for nearly 25 years and, prior to that, had my own advertising agency. I also have a degree in marketing. I’ve been designing Yellow Page ads for the past three decades. So I have expertise in YP creation and have advised almost 7000 companies on how to put together the most effective YP ads. If you have a display or in-column ad, regardless of size, color or position, I can tell you it most probably needs improvement in the headline, artwork, body text, placement, book, or heading. You must understand the ROI or return on investment and learn how to track the results as well.

So consider getting some expert advice before you place your next ad. There are many good and inexpensive places to turn, some available on the internet. Make sure the consultant is well qualified with at least 25 years experience. Otherwise, you’ll be wasting your own time and money. Then, hopefully, you wont’ really need Wolley Segap coming to the rescue after all.