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Add You - Validate Your Way To Gay Relationship Bliss
So you’re thinking of getting into a bigger house. You call up the real estate agent and make an appointment to go see what the market has to offer. Then you find it, the perfect “move-up” home. It’s everything you’ve ever wanted in a home unless your married, in which case it’s everything your wife has ever wanted in a home.You’d make an offer right then and there but realize you need to sell your old home before you can by this one. You haven’t even put your old house on the market yet. What to do?The real estate agent advises that you could make what’s called a “contingent offer”; buying the new house is ‘contingent’ on you selling the old one.“Oops”, says the agent, “Your old home isn’t even listed yet? You may have wanted to do that before we went house hunting. Your offer is a little too ‘contingent’ for most sellers…they p
Action Challenges
1. As an exercise, both you and your partner can make separate lists detailing what you imagine your lover doing that would be pleasing to you. Then at a later time, exchange your lists, talk about them, and begin performing the items on the lists. This can be an easy reference for accomplishing tasks that you each know would be validating for the other.
2. Purchase the book “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. While written primarily for a heterosexual audience, the material definitely pertains to gay couples as well and I highly recommend it as a valuable resource. What is your primary love language? What is your partner’s? How can you work together as a team to meet each other’s needs in ways that you each appreciate the most in your own unique styles of preference? The book also contains personal assessment tools and exercises to help you integrate the content into your relationship.
Conclusion
While validation won’t solve all your relationsh
A printer cartridge is used in almost all printers available today. The cartridges contain black and color ink to make a variety of prints. The cartridge refers to the casing in which the ink is actually stored. Most cartridges serve a dual purpose. They act as a storage unit for the ink as well as an applicator of the ink in an even form on the paper. An ink cartridge is a removable component of a printer, which could be replaced or refilled with. Most black and white printers make use of one single cartridge that stores the black ink or toner. The color printers, however, makes use of two separate printer ink cartridges. One cartridge stores the black ink and the other stores the color ink. Each cartridge contains one or more divided ink reservoirs, electronic links, and a chip that is connected with the printer.Since printers are widely used in a
Over the years, I’ve had slews of couples come through my office with a variety of presenting issues that range anywhere from communication breakdowns, to sexual dysfunctions, to infidelities, to diminished passion, etc. These only name but a few, but the common denominator that appears pervasive throughout most relationship difficulties is a climate of tension, resentment, and mistrust that results when the partners don’t feel acknowledged or honored by each other. This can erode the foundation that the relationship is built upon and jeopardizes the love, closeness, and attachment the couple had developed. Mayday! Mayday! Relationship rescue is now needed!
The interpersonal skill of validation is one technique that can help enrich any relationship and is a great tool for solidifying emotional bonds and fostering more intimacy between loving partners. This article will explore the concept of validation and offer suggestions for incorporating more of it with your partner to promote more heightened “relationship bliss.”
What Is Validation?
In the initial stages of dating, it’s not too difficult to validate each other. This “honeymoon phase” of relationship development is depicted by high chemistry, thinking about each other all the time and wanting to devote energy to being with one another. You feel excited and boosted by the other’s attraction for you and attention. It requires very little effort and is usually described as a “magical” feeling. Over time, however, this “spark” tends to diminish and is a normal sign of the maturing of the relationship, not necessarily a signal that something is wrong.
Long-term relationships require lots of validation for sustenance and nourishment. Validation is letting your partner know how much you appreciate him. It’s being attentive to his needs and acknowledging him as someone of value to you, regardless of whether you agree or disagree about areas of contention. It’s making him feel important, showing him how much meaning he brings to your life. Validation is the ultimate expression of love for your partner. The key is to be genuine, consistent, and deliver it in the style to which you know your partner likes to be attended.
Validate Your Man!
The greatest way to validate your lover is to use your knowledge and wisdom of his needs, personality, tastes, and preferences and communicate it verbally or through action in ways that will have the most and meaning and impact for him.
In his groundbreaking book, “The Five Love Languages (2004)”, Dr. Gary Chapman, Ed.D exposes how we all express love in different ways; what is meaningful and validating to you may be indifferent to your boyfriend. The key to relationship success, according to Chapman, is to understand each other’s unique needs and learn the correct love language to express so each partner is fulfilled. Chapman identifies the five specific love languages as:
1. Words of Affirmation (verbal compliments & appreciations, kind words, encouragement)
2. Quality Time (togetherness, conversation, activities)
3. Receiving Gifts (flowers, surprise gifts)
4. Acts of Service (doing things for your partner that he likes/wants)
5. Physical Touch (affection, holding hands, back rubs, kissing, sex)
By speaking your partner’s primary love language, you are validating him in a way that matters most to him and increases the chances he’ll reciprocate back to meet your needs in ways you prefer.
Validate Yourself!
An important point needs to be made in that it’s critical you learn how to validate yourself too! While giving and receiving validation with your partner is a positive relationship skill to practice, it’s equally vital to empower yourself. You don’t want to create a dependency on your partner to meet all your needs; you are responsible for your own happiness and should avoid placing expectations on your relationship to fulfill your life. Learn how to boost your self-esteem and soothe yourself when life or your relationship gets tenuous. This will help you cope better with disappointments and avoid placing pressure on your partner for something you must take ownership for. As partners, teach each other on how you best like to be treated, but also be proactive in taking charge of your own life and making things happen for your success.
Action Challenges
1. As an exercise, both you and your partner can make separate lists detailing what you imagine your lover doing that would be pleasing to you. Then at a later time, exchange your lists, talk about them, and begin performing the items on the lists. This can be an easy reference for accomplishing tasks that you each know would be validating for the other.
2. Purchase the book “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. While written primarily for a heterosexual audience, the material definitely pertains to gay couples as well and I highly recommend it as a valuable resource. What is your primary love language? What is your partner’s? How can you work together as a team to meet each other’s needs in ways that you each appreciate the most in your own unique styles of preference? The book also contains personal assessment tools and exercises to help you integrate the content into your relationship.
Conclusion
While validation won’t solve all your relationshi
Psychology behind the colors that can make or break your website’s success.Did you know that the values associated with colors can have a significant impact on your website’s success? And did you know that you can change your visitor’s feeling, mood and reaction by using different colors on your website?Some professional web designers do not realize the impact that a single color can have on their project when designing a website for their clients. In reality, the meaning of colors will send the first message of your website to your visitors. You don’t have to be a genius to find out why since it is obvious that the first thing they (visitors) see is the color of your site!I have studied one hundred visitors to evaluate their patience for uploading a web page. First, I tried a plain black background page and the averag
In the initial stages of dating, it’s not too difficult to validate each other. This “honeymoon phase” of relationship development is depicted by high chemistry, thinking about each other all the time and wanting to devote energy to being with one another. You feel excited and boosted by the other’s attraction for you and attention. It requires very little effort and is usually described as a “magical” feeling. Over time, however, this “spark” tends to diminish and is a normal sign of the maturing of the relationship, not necessarily a signal that something is wrong.
Long-term relationships require lots of validation for sustenance and nourishment. Validation is letting your partner know how much you appreciate him. It’s being attentive to his needs and acknowledging him as someone of value to you, regardless of whether you agree or disagree about areas of contention. It’s making him feel important, showing him how much meaning he brings to your life. Validation is the ultimate expression of love for your partner. The key is to be genuine, consistent, and deliver it in the style to which you know your partner likes to be attended.
Validate Your Man!
The greatest way to validate your lover is to use your knowledge and wisdom of his needs, personality, tastes, and preferences and communicate it verbally or through action in ways that will have the most and meaning and impact for him.
In his groundbreaking book, “The Five Love Languages (2004)”, Dr. Gary Chapman, Ed.D exposes how we all express love in different ways; what is meaningful and validating to you may be indifferent to your boyfriend. The key to relationship success, according to Chapman, is to understand each other’s unique needs and learn the correct love language to express so each partner is fulfilled. Chapman identifies the five specific love languages as:
1. Words of Affirmation (verbal compliments & appreciations, kind words, encouragement)
2. Quality Time (togetherness, conversation, activities)
3. Receiving Gifts (flowers, surprise gifts)
4. Acts of Service (doing things for your partner that he likes/wants)
5. Physical Touch (affection, holding hands, back rubs, kissing, sex)
By speaking your partner’s primary love language, you are validating him in a way that matters most to him and increases the chances he’ll reciprocate back to meet your needs in ways you prefer.
Validate Yourself!
An important point needs to be made in that it’s critical you learn how to validate yourself too! While giving and receiving validation with your partner is a positive relationship skill to practice, it’s equally vital to empower yourself. You don’t want to create a dependency on your partner to meet all your needs; you are responsible for your own happiness and should avoid placing expectations on your relationship to fulfill your life. Learn how to boost your self-esteem and soothe yourself when life or your relationship gets tenuous. This will help you cope better with disappointments and avoid placing pressure on your partner for something you must take ownership for. As partners, teach each other on how you best like to be treated, but also be proactive in taking charge of your own life and making things happen for your success.
Action Challenges
1. As an exercise, both you and your partner can make separate lists detailing what you imagine your lover doing that would be pleasing to you. Then at a later time, exchange your lists, talk about them, and begin performing the items on the lists. This can be an easy reference for accomplishing tasks that you each know would be validating for the other.
2. Purchase the book “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. While written primarily for a heterosexual audience, the material definitely pertains to gay couples as well and I highly recommend it as a valuable resource. What is your primary love language? What is your partner’s? How can you work together as a team to meet each other’s needs in ways that you each appreciate the most in your own unique styles of preference? The book also contains personal assessment tools and exercises to help you integrate the content into your relationship.
Conclusion
While validation won’t solve all your relationsh
In the business world there are so many products that can complement your product if you look for them. You don’t want to do that because by finding a strategic business partner you will increase your sales ratio. You don’t want profits, and aligning with someone will increase the chances their customers will spill over to your products and result in too many sales.Perhaps one day a partner will come knocking at your door; you want to look for ones that don’t have the same objective. An example of this is when you sell computer parts and the other partner sells perfume. This method is a sure win-win solution to decreasing profits. Normally when you form a partnership with a business owner, you will trade leads, share marketing info and sell package deals that benefit both sides. However, you don’t want any profit, so you want to make sure any deal r
Validate Your Man!
The greatest way to validate your lover is to use your knowledge and wisdom of his needs, personality, tastes, and preferences and communicate it verbally or through action in ways that will have the most and meaning and impact for him.
In his groundbreaking book, “The Five Love Languages (2004)”, Dr. Gary Chapman, Ed.D exposes how we all express love in different ways; what is meaningful and validating to you may be indifferent to your boyfriend. The key to relationship success, according to Chapman, is to understand each other’s unique needs and learn the correct love language to express so each partner is fulfilled. Chapman identifies the five specific love languages as:
1. Words of Affirmation (verbal compliments & appreciations, kind words, encouragement)
2. Quality Time (togetherness, conversation, activities)
3. Receiving Gifts (flowers, surprise gifts)
4. Acts of Service (doing things for your partner that he likes/wants)
5. Physical Touch (affection, holding hands, back rubs, kissing, sex)
By speaking your partner’s primary love language, you are validating him in a way that matters most to him and increases the chances he’ll reciprocate back to meet your needs in ways you prefer.
Validate Yourself!
An important point needs to be made in that it’s critical you learn how to validate yourself too! While giving and receiving validation with your partner is a positive relationship skill to practice, it’s equally vital to empower yourself. You don’t want to create a dependency on your partner to meet all your needs; you are responsible for your own happiness and should avoid placing expectations on your relationship to fulfill your life. Learn how to boost your self-esteem and soothe yourself when life or your relationship gets tenuous. This will help you cope better with disappointments and avoid placing pressure on your partner for something you must take ownership for. As partners, teach each other on how you best like to be treated, but also be proactive in taking charge of your own life and making things happen for your success.
Action Challenges
1. As an exercise, both you and your partner can make separate lists detailing what you imagine your lover doing that would be pleasing to you. Then at a later time, exchange your lists, talk about them, and begin performing the items on the lists. This can be an easy reference for accomplishing tasks that you each know would be validating for the other.
2. Purchase the book “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. While written primarily for a heterosexual audience, the material definitely pertains to gay couples as well and I highly recommend it as a valuable resource. What is your primary love language? What is your partner’s? How can you work together as a team to meet each other’s needs in ways that you each appreciate the most in your own unique styles of preference? The book also contains personal assessment tools and exercises to help you integrate the content into your relationship.
Conclusion
While validation won’t solve all your relationsh
Traditional “business planning” falls under the “500 Pound Gorilla” umbrella. How long do we sidestep a problem (The 500 Pound Gorilla) before someone finally does something about it? As business plans go, it has been decades of the same approach. No one really understands formal business plans yet we continue to write them. Somewhere someone deemed the 2 inch thick document we call a formal business plan the defacto standard despite the fact it's purpose rarely gets exercised. From personal experience representing many clients, formal plans only serve to make the bankers feel good, even though they typically can’t understand them. Remember that the bank isn’t operating your business -- you are. Your business plan has to work for you personally - not the banker fewer than 5% of plan authors (entrepreneurs) will ever meet.“Formal” plans are cold, st
By speaking your partner’s primary love language, you are validating him in a way that matters most to him and increases the chances he’ll reciprocate back to meet your needs in ways you prefer.
Validate Yourself!
An important point needs to be made in that it’s critical you learn how to validate yourself too! While giving and receiving validation with your partner is a positive relationship skill to practice, it’s equally vital to empower yourself. You don’t want to create a dependency on your partner to meet all your needs; you are responsible for your own happiness and should avoid placing expectations on your relationship to fulfill your life. Learn how to boost your self-esteem and soothe yourself when life or your relationship gets tenuous. This will help you cope better with disappointments and avoid placing pressure on your partner for something you must take ownership for. As partners, teach each other on how you best like to be treated, but also be proactive in taking charge of your own life and making things happen for your success.
Action Challenges
1. As an exercise, both you and your partner can make separate lists detailing what you imagine your lover doing that would be pleasing to you. Then at a later time, exchange your lists, talk about them, and begin performing the items on the lists. This can be an easy reference for accomplishing tasks that you each know would be validating for the other.
2. Purchase the book “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. While written primarily for a heterosexual audience, the material definitely pertains to gay couples as well and I highly recommend it as a valuable resource. What is your primary love language? What is your partner’s? How can you work together as a team to meet each other’s needs in ways that you each appreciate the most in your own unique styles of preference? The book also contains personal assessment tools and exercises to help you integrate the content into your relationship.
Conclusion
While validation won’t solve all your relationsh
At present majority of us lead a hasty and erratic life, financial necessities being the most unpredictable of all. At times we are spoilt with surplus amount and at other time we are plagued by shortage of the same. Situations demanding monetary attention keep cropping up hence putting us in financial strain. They can be disguised in various forms like an emergency medical attention, a car repair or payment of bills like electricity bill, telephone bill etc. Now on these instances if you don't have previous savings the problem magnifies because in that case money is required urgently. Seeing the gravity of the situation and growing demand many lending companies have devised payday loans. Payday loans are potent enough to fulfill the need of urgently required capital during emergency.Payday Loans: Procedures And EligibilityPayday loans are sm
Action Challenges
1. As an exercise, both you and your partner can make separate lists detailing what you imagine your lover doing that would be pleasing to you. Then at a later time, exchange your lists, talk about them, and begin performing the items on the lists. This can be an easy reference for accomplishing tasks that you each know would be validating for the other.
2. Purchase the book “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. While written primarily for a heterosexual audience, the material definitely pertains to gay couples as well and I highly recommend it as a valuable resource. What is your primary love language? What is your partner’s? How can you work together as a team to meet each other’s needs in ways that you each appreciate the most in your own unique styles of preference? The book also contains personal assessment tools and exercises to help you integrate the content into your relationship.
Conclusion
While validation won’t solve all your relationship woes, it certainly will go a long way toward creating a climate of support, encouragement, and attentiveness that can inspire more intimacy, trust, and commitment. Make a conscious effort to learn more about your partner’s needs and your own and tailor approaches that will create the most impact for both of you. With practice, validation will become second nature and “relationship bliss” can be yours for the taking!
Reference: Chapman, Gary (2004). The Five Love Languages: How To Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. Chicago: Northfield Publishing.
©2006 Brian L. Rzepczynski
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEBSITE? This article can be reprinted freely online, as long as the entire article and this resource box are included:
Brian Rzepczynski, Certified Personal Life Coach, is The Gay Love Coach: “I work with gay men who are ready to create a road map that will lead them to find and build a lasting partnership with Mr. Right.” To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples, as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs, and teleclasses, please visit http://www.TheGayLoveCoach.com
Please also include with the article the words © Copyright and prominently display a link to our main page at the end of the article. Any feedback would be appreciated and can be sent to brian@thegaylovecoach.com. Thank you!
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