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Add You - Stinking Thinking of The Gay Single (And How To Overcome It)
Complex devices, electronic systems and components require testing to ensure that they function correctly under different conditions. For the purpose of testing electrical and mechanical devices, different types of manual and automated test equipments are needed. In order to provide quality results, a large investment towards the procurement of test equipment is vital. Complex test equipments have exorbitant prices and it becomes difficult for some companies to purchase them. An easy way of procuring test equipment without large investment is to rent them from selected companies offering this type of service. It is essential for buyers to carefully assess beforehand, whether buying test equipment or renting them is the right way to go.Renting out test equipment allows companies to obtain them and test their effectiveness before deciding to buy them. Test equipment is available on rent for different time periods as per the requirements of a client. They can be rented out for a few days, weeks, months and even years. The rent amount is decided in advance and payment terms are fixed. There are a large number of companies in the US that offer affordable rental terms to clients for their need of test equipment. A wide range of testing products is available for rent.A company’s budget for testing equipment rental has to be pre-decided before contacting
Yuck! Just saying those thoughts out loud gives a feeling of sinking defeat and they become more entrenched the more frequently they’re used. Your job is to identify your particular distortions and “catch them in the act” before they grab a hold of you. Anytime you’re having a negative emotion of any kind, at least one of these is at play. Knowledge of which thought trap is rearing it’s ugly head can better help you pick a strategy for defeating it.
Limiting Beliefs
In a teleclass given by Lynne Michelson, Director of Singles for Relationship Coaching Insitute, she stated, “Beliefs are like the soil. If the soil isn’t rich, nothing will grow and it will be a struggle.” We have to be in charge of our own growth and it’s important not to succumb to the power of negative thinking. She identifies five types of limiting beliefs common to singles:
1. Self-responsibility: “I’m a victim. I can’t control what happens to me.”
2. Self-esteem: “I don’t deserve
We all see the cell phone plan deals and minutes offered in advertisements. Whether it may be television, newspaper, magazines, or radio we all by now have seen the minutes offered with family plans and so forth.The most popular of plans available at this current time is the 1,000 minute cellular plan. 1,000 minutes may seem like a lot and almost endless for your wireless calling consumption but in reality this may be far from a worry free calling plan.A very important part of the decision process should be based on how many people are going to be using the calling plan. More importantly, who is going to be using your calling minutes. Are the users teenagers? How many of your children will be using the plan? Do you or your spouse frequently make calls? How long is the duration of most of these cell phone calls?A somewhat simple way to calculate how many minutes you are going to need or may be lacking is to basically make some rough estimates of all possible user's monthly usage by rounding off into hours. Yes, hours not minutes.In an Example:Bob (Husband) 4 HoursSally (Wife) 3 HoursSue (17 years old) 5 HoursJoe (15 years old) 4 HoursFAMILY TOTAL: 16 HoursOkay, so now you have put together the accumulated usage estimate. Simply dissect these hours into minutes. To
“Guys suck! I’m never going to find a decent one who wants more than a one-night stand!” “All the good ones are taken!” “I’m not attractive enough to land myself a boyfriend” “Gay men and relationships just don’t mix. Why even bother?!”
Do you ever think such thoughts? If you’re single and on the market for a boyfriend, it certainly can be easy to get jaded and develop these and many more pessimistic thoughts about the gay dating scene. Especially when it seems like you’ve done just about everything to promote your “dateability” and consider yourself a “good catch”, yet still fall short of accomplishing your goal or vision, negativity can seem to just flow out automatically as you vent out your frustrations and try to make sense of the injustice of it all. But while it may seem natural at times to move toward this way of thinking in your upset, one must be very careful trudging in this territory because it can be detrimental to your well-being.
Negative thoughts, or “stinking thinking” as Grandma used to call it, are a leading culprit in such conditions as depression, anxiety, anger, and low self-esteem. Cognitive-behavioral theory posits that what you think affects how you feel which affects how you act, and then they all interrelate with each other creating vicious cycles that build upon the other. This article will help you identify your own negative thinking traps and teach you some strategies for combating them so you can construct a more optimistic, positive mental landscape that can surely help boost your quality-of-life.
The Power of Self-Talk
So if what you think helps determine how you feel and act, those pesky negative statements that opened this article will surely lead you down the path of the “blahs.” Self-talk is that little chatter we all have going on in our heads that comprise our thoughts (you’re not crazy! We all have it!) Thoughts stem from our beliefs, which are our deep-down in the gut views and values about ourselves and the world around us that we adopt from past experiences and socialization. One has to be careful with negative thinking because it can create self-fulfilling prophecies—that which you think causes it to come true. And don’t forget about the Law of Attraction—you attract into your life what you put out there; you get what you think about. The more you hang onto negative thoughts and ideals, the more likely that will be mirrored back to you and leads to more unhappiness, hostility, and pessimism. That equals decreased dating spirit!
Cognitive Distortions
Cognitive therapy names a variety of different cognitive distortions, or thought traps, that can maintain one’s negative frame-of-mind and keep him stuck until he intervenes into his thought cycles. Listed below are a few of the more common distortions. See if you can identify yourself in any of these patterns. Half the battle is self-awareness.
· Black-and-White: the tendency to see things in an all-or-nothing fashion. “I’m either a success or a failure.”
· Mindreading: making assumptions about what others are thinking without evidence to back it up. “He’s going to say no if I ask him out for a drink.”
· Minimizing: downplaying situations or achievements.” "He said he had a good time with me, but he was just saying that.”
· Overgeneralizing: making sweeping judgments about something across the board; using words like “always”, “never”, “everybody.” "I’m never going to find a guy who will want to settle down with me.”
· Errors In Blaming: unfairly blaming yourself or others when things don’t go right. “I can’t find anyone to date because all these guys are so messed up!”
· Emotional Reasoning: concluding that if you feel a certain way about yourself then it’s true. “I feel rejected, so everybody must be rejecting me.”
· Downputting: cutting yourself down with disparaging comments. “He doesn’t want to go out with me again. I must be ugly.”
· Catastrophizing: magnifying and blowing things out of proportion (the drama queen syndrome). “I just know I’m going to make a complete fool of myself on this first date!”
· Shoulds: rigidly criticizing and judging yourself and others. “Guys should be more receptive to my advances.”
· Comparing: judging yourself to others according to set standards or assumptions. “I’m not as good looking as most of these guys in this bar. I don’t stand a chance of meeting anyone here.”
Yuck! Just saying those thoughts out loud gives a feeling of sinking defeat and they become more entrenched the more frequently they’re used. Your job is to identify your particular distortions and “catch them in the act” before they grab a hold of you. Anytime you’re having a negative emotion of any kind, at least one of these is at play. Knowledge of which thought trap is rearing it’s ugly head can better help you pick a strategy for defeating it.
Limiting Beliefs
In a teleclass given by Lynne Michelson, Director of Singles for Relationship Coaching Insitute, she stated, “Beliefs are like the soil. If the soil isn’t rich, nothing will grow and it will be a struggle.” We have to be in charge of our own growth and it’s important not to succumb to the power of negative thinking. She identifies five types of limiting beliefs common to singles:
1. Self-responsibility: “I’m a victim. I can’t control what happens to me.”
2. Self-esteem: “I don’t deserve
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The publisher gives you the right to make copie
The Power of Self-Talk
So if what you think helps determine how you feel and act, those pesky negative statements that opened this article will surely lead you down the path of the “blahs.” Self-talk is that little chatter we all have going on in our heads that comprise our thoughts (you’re not crazy! We all have it!) Thoughts stem from our beliefs, which are our deep-down in the gut views and values about ourselves and the world around us that we adopt from past experiences and socialization. One has to be careful with negative thinking because it can create self-fulfilling prophecies—that which you think causes it to come true. And don’t forget about the Law of Attraction—you attract into your life what you put out there; you get what you think about. The more you hang onto negative thoughts and ideals, the more likely that will be mirrored back to you and leads to more unhappiness, hostility, and pessimism. That equals decreased dating spirit!
Cognitive Distortions
Cognitive therapy names a variety of different cognitive distortions, or thought traps, that can maintain one’s negative frame-of-mind and keep him stuck until he intervenes into his thought cycles. Listed below are a few of the more common distortions. See if you can identify yourself in any of these patterns. Half the battle is self-awareness.
· Black-and-White: the tendency to see things in an all-or-nothing fashion. “I’m either a success or a failure.”
· Mindreading: making assumptions about what others are thinking without evidence to back it up. “He’s going to say no if I ask him out for a drink.”
· Minimizing: downplaying situations or achievements.” "He said he had a good time with me, but he was just saying that.”
· Overgeneralizing: making sweeping judgments about something across the board; using words like “always”, “never”, “everybody.” "I’m never going to find a guy who will want to settle down with me.”
· Errors In Blaming: unfairly blaming yourself or others when things don’t go right. “I can’t find anyone to date because all these guys are so messed up!”
· Emotional Reasoning: concluding that if you feel a certain way about yourself then it’s true. “I feel rejected, so everybody must be rejecting me.”
· Downputting: cutting yourself down with disparaging comments. “He doesn’t want to go out with me again. I must be ugly.”
· Catastrophizing: magnifying and blowing things out of proportion (the drama queen syndrome). “I just know I’m going to make a complete fool of myself on this first date!”
· Shoulds: rigidly criticizing and judging yourself and others. “Guys should be more receptive to my advances.”
· Comparing: judging yourself to others according to set standards or assumptions. “I’m not as good looking as most of these guys in this bar. I don’t stand a chance of meeting anyone here.”
Yuck! Just saying those thoughts out loud gives a feeling of sinking defeat and they become more entrenched the more frequently they’re used. Your job is to identify your particular distortions and “catch them in the act” before they grab a hold of you. Anytime you’re having a negative emotion of any kind, at least one of these is at play. Knowledge of which thought trap is rearing it’s ugly head can better help you pick a strategy for defeating it.
Limiting Beliefs
In a teleclass given by Lynne Michelson, Director of Singles for Relationship Coaching Insitute, she stated, “Beliefs are like the soil. If the soil isn’t rich, nothing will grow and it will be a struggle.” We have to be in charge of our own growth and it’s important not to succumb to the power of negative thinking. She identifies five types of limiting beliefs common to singles:
1. Self-responsibility: “I’m a victim. I can’t control what happens to me.”
2. Self-esteem: “I don’t deserve
If you're anything like me, you've submitted your resume to numerous potential employers and got no response's?Even if you got that first interview did it win you that dream role?The following tips will help you with your attitude to produce a winning resume / curriculum vitae.Remember your Resume has just seconds to get their attention!Make a good first impression with a great looking layout, use a template from a template company, you can find some free-one's online.Don't copy a standard formula, be as different as possible employers will look for people who stand out even if this means using colour and buying the best quality printing paper.Don't be boring...be straight to the point.Droning on about how amazing you are at everything will only make you look over confident.Employers actually like personality sometimes over achievements, if you can show in words what your personality is like you'll be on-to a winner most times.Make you introduction brief, snappy but to the point!
Write naturally and fluently, don't over do itI guarantee you 99% of resumes look the same, having seen many as an employer myself I continually see bad grammar, crumpled paper, copycat layouts, smudged ink,Use a professional coloured binder and place your covering letter and resume inside, this will not onl
Cognitive Distortions
Cognitive therapy names a variety of different cognitive distortions, or thought traps, that can maintain one’s negative frame-of-mind and keep him stuck until he intervenes into his thought cycles. Listed below are a few of the more common distortions. See if you can identify yourself in any of these patterns. Half the battle is self-awareness.
· Black-and-White: the tendency to see things in an all-or-nothing fashion. “I’m either a success or a failure.”
· Mindreading: making assumptions about what others are thinking without evidence to back it up. “He’s going to say no if I ask him out for a drink.”
· Minimizing: downplaying situations or achievements.” "He said he had a good time with me, but he was just saying that.”
· Overgeneralizing: making sweeping judgments about something across the board; using words like “always”, “never”, “everybody.” "I’m never going to find a guy who will want to settle down with me.”
· Errors In Blaming: unfairly blaming yourself or others when things don’t go right. “I can’t find anyone to date because all these guys are so messed up!”
· Emotional Reasoning: concluding that if you feel a certain way about yourself then it’s true. “I feel rejected, so everybody must be rejecting me.”
· Downputting: cutting yourself down with disparaging comments. “He doesn’t want to go out with me again. I must be ugly.”
· Catastrophizing: magnifying and blowing things out of proportion (the drama queen syndrome). “I just know I’m going to make a complete fool of myself on this first date!”
· Shoulds: rigidly criticizing and judging yourself and others. “Guys should be more receptive to my advances.”
· Comparing: judging yourself to others according to set standards or assumptions. “I’m not as good looking as most of these guys in this bar. I don’t stand a chance of meeting anyone here.”
Yuck! Just saying those thoughts out loud gives a feeling of sinking defeat and they become more entrenched the more frequently they’re used. Your job is to identify your particular distortions and “catch them in the act” before they grab a hold of you. Anytime you’re having a negative emotion of any kind, at least one of these is at play. Knowledge of which thought trap is rearing it’s ugly head can better help you pick a strategy for defeating it.
Limiting Beliefs
In a teleclass given by Lynne Michelson, Director of Singles for Relationship Coaching Insitute, she stated, “Beliefs are like the soil. If the soil isn’t rich, nothing will grow and it will be a struggle.” We have to be in charge of our own growth and it’s important not to succumb to the power of negative thinking. She identifies five types of limiting beliefs common to singles:
1. Self-responsibility: “I’m a victim. I can’t control what happens to me.”
2. Self-esteem: “I don’t deserve
We make assumptions when we don’t fully understand a situation. It is a natural reaction to immediately fill in any missing information by making up our own story. We do this because we like to try to make sense of people and situations. The problem with this is that most of the time our story is incorrect which causes all kinds of complications. The fact is, we don’t know what the truth is unless we ask.As much as we would like to think we know what others are thinking, we simply can’t read minds. Sometimes we think we have the super power to know the reasons why people do the things they do (without asking them) which is pretty presumptuous. Remember, not everyone sees the world the same way you do (shocker, I know, but it is easy to forget).Need another reason to stop making assumptions? Try turning it around, do you believe that other people can read your mind? Would you rather that someone makes up a story (an assumption) about what you are thinking and feeling? Or, would you prefer if they ask you?When you ask instead of assume, you may not always get an answer you like or expect. Still, asking is much better than making up your own story because then you are in the position to make an informed next step.Asking questions seems like an easy thing to do so why don’t we do it more often? Why do we sometimes become paral
· Overgeneralizing: making sweeping judgments about something across the board; using words like “always”, “never”, “everybody.” "I’m never going to find a guy who will want to settle down with me.”
· Errors In Blaming: unfairly blaming yourself or others when things don’t go right. “I can’t find anyone to date because all these guys are so messed up!”
· Emotional Reasoning: concluding that if you feel a certain way about yourself then it’s true. “I feel rejected, so everybody must be rejecting me.”
· Downputting: cutting yourself down with disparaging comments. “He doesn’t want to go out with me again. I must be ugly.”
· Catastrophizing: magnifying and blowing things out of proportion (the drama queen syndrome). “I just know I’m going to make a complete fool of myself on this first date!”
· Shoulds: rigidly criticizing and judging yourself and others. “Guys should be more receptive to my advances.”
· Comparing: judging yourself to others according to set standards or assumptions. “I’m not as good looking as most of these guys in this bar. I don’t stand a chance of meeting anyone here.”
Yuck! Just saying those thoughts out loud gives a feeling of sinking defeat and they become more entrenched the more frequently they’re used. Your job is to identify your particular distortions and “catch them in the act” before they grab a hold of you. Anytime you’re having a negative emotion of any kind, at least one of these is at play. Knowledge of which thought trap is rearing it’s ugly head can better help you pick a strategy for defeating it.
Limiting Beliefs
In a teleclass given by Lynne Michelson, Director of Singles for Relationship Coaching Insitute, she stated, “Beliefs are like the soil. If the soil isn’t rich, nothing will grow and it will be a struggle.” We have to be in charge of our own growth and it’s important not to succumb to the power of negative thinking. She identifies five types of limiting beliefs common to singles:
1. Self-responsibility: “I’m a victim. I can’t control what happens to me.”
2. Self-esteem: “I don’t deserve
After you have sold a number of items on eBay via auctions (maybe just stuff that cluttered up your garage), you might consider opening your own store on eBay.Stores have certain advantages: you can choose the name (as long as it is not taken yet), set the theme, obtain a permanent URL that you can use in advertising it, and list items very cheaply as store inventory (for data on the currrent fee structure, see http://pages.ebay.com/help/sell/storefees.html). Furthermore, you also gain access to certain tools, such as Traffic Reports or the HTML Builder.There are also drawbacks in owning a store. First, there is a monthly fee (currently $15.99 for a basic store), and store inventory items generally do not appear in the main search (for details on this, see http://pages.ebay.com/help/specialtysites/sif-in-search.html), so you will still have to run a number of auctions and include a link in them to drive traffic to your store.Therefore, you should not expect the world to beat a path to your eBay store the moment you open it.Here are a few tips to help the new or prospective owner of an eBay store:
Select a theme for your store, whether it be used books, vintage cameras or hand-crafted tea caddies. I have seen stores that sell anything from DVDs to used children's clothes to garden furniture, but never could remember them
Yuck! Just saying those thoughts out loud gives a feeling of sinking defeat and they become more entrenched the more frequently they’re used. Your job is to identify your particular distortions and “catch them in the act” before they grab a hold of you. Anytime you’re having a negative emotion of any kind, at least one of these is at play. Knowledge of which thought trap is rearing it’s ugly head can better help you pick a strategy for defeating it.
Limiting Beliefs
In a teleclass given by Lynne Michelson, Director of Singles for Relationship Coaching Insitute, she stated, “Beliefs are like the soil. If the soil isn’t rich, nothing will grow and it will be a struggle.” We have to be in charge of our own growth and it’s important not to succumb to the power of negative thinking. She identifies five types of limiting beliefs common to singles:
1. Self-responsibility: “I’m a victim. I can’t control what happens to me.”
2. Self-esteem: “I don’t deserve love. I’m unlovable.”
3. Trust in the universe: “I’m alone because there’s a benevolent force out there against me. There’s not enough decent men available in the dating pool.”
4. Positive attitude: how you position your thoughts; pessimism vs. optimism.
5. Flowing with change: wanting to stay fixed and safe with the familiar due to a fear of stretching out of your comfort zone.
Which areas do you tend to struggle with, if any? If you see yourself in any of these categorizes, then this is where you will want to focus your efforts on challenging those thoughts, feelings, and behaviors you associate with those themes. Remember that you are not your beliefs—you set yourself up for certain feelings and behaviors and you have the power to be able to change them towards the positive as well.
Strategies For Defeating Negative Thinking
It’s not always easy to challenge “stinking thinking” and it’s definitely not a quick-fix. You may have been thinking this way for so long that it’s an engrained part of your response system to situations. It will take time and diligent effort to practice challenging these thoughts, but in time it will get easier as you replace them with healthier cognitions that support your self-esteem and growth. Here are some suggestions to get you started on combating the negative inner-critic:
* In a journal, ask yourself the following questions: Are my current thoughts about myself, dating, men, etc. helping or hurting me? When did you begin to think this way? Is it reality or a distortion? Where did the beliefs come from? Are they yours or someone else’s that you’ve adopted? What’s getting in your way? Are your current beliefs aligned with what you want out of life? What new beliefs will contribute to your growth?
* Take out a notebook and start keeping a thought log. Write columns at the top of the paper with such headings as situation, thoughts about the situation, feelings, behaviors (what you did). Look for patterns and write down the cognitive distortions that you find in your thoughts. Then start a new column called counter-statements and practice challenging your self-talk with more enhancing, affirming cognitions. The more times you do this, the more quickly you begin to internalize this new reframed thinking.
* Try thought stoppage techniques. Put a rubber band around your wrist and give yourself a good old-fashioned snap every time you find yourself engaged in negative thinking. The sensation of pain will snap you out of your trance-state that happens with negative thinking and you can then redirect yourself into more productive internal dialogue. Sounds weird, but it works!
* Create affirmation cards in which you write down motivational/inspirational statements or coaching thoughts on index cards or post-it notes and practice reciting them daily. Keep them handy, like in your wallet, for those unforeseen moments of negativity and refer to them as needed; they can be very helpful in keeping you centered and giving you a boost of positivity when you need an uplifting during trying times.
* Challenge your beliefs by taking stock of times in your life where you can prove your current thoughts wrong. Or be a risk-taker and take the initiative by creating situations that will disprove your negative thoughts. Prove them wrong! Thinking “happy thoughts” does help, but it’s a long rewiring process. We tend to believe things more rapidly when we see it with our own eyes, through our own volition. Refuse to be held victim and seek out solutions to act upon.
Conclusion
These are just a handful of potential strategies for defeating negative thinking. Seek out additional assistance with a therapist or a coach who can help you with your specific cognitive schemas. Arming yourself with a positive attitude is essential in navigating through the dating world and will help keep you centered on living in accordance with your vision and not allowing disappointments to contaminate your spirit and well-being, using them instead as valuable lessons to further refine your dating plan and motivate you further toward realizing and accomplishing your dreams. As Michelson says, “Whether you believe you can or can’t—you’re right!”
References: Lynne Michelson & Relationship Coaching Institute http://www.relationshipcoachinginstitute.com/faculty/lynnemichelson.htm
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