you needs to say “stop.” Call a "time-out." Set an alarm clock for 30 minutes and go in separate directions. No talking, no stares, no interaction. Utilize the half-hour for both of you to recollect your thoughts. Think about the problem. Re-focus. Regain your composure. When the alarm buzzes, reconvene. Have a civil discussion, get to the root of the matter, find a resolution and move on.

Chastise or Chuckle?

Your wife throws out the green-bean casserole in the refrigerator that you planned to eat with lunch. Your husband misreads a party invitation and the two of you show up on the wrong date. Simple blunders can launch warfare. Or not. In situations like these, you hit a fork in the road and must consciously decide, "Do I chastise or chuckle?"

Before you get your feathers in an uproar, stop. Stop and consider the bigger picture. How important is the error in the grand scheme of life? Does it significantly impact anything or anyone? Are the consequences irrefutable? Mistakes like these are usually worthy of a sincere apology followed by a big dose of laughter – together!

From an emotional standpoint, reacting to blunders with a sense of h

How do you get beyond “I’m right! You’re wrong!”? Even in the healthiest relationships, a husband and wife, a boyfriend and girlfriend, or two partners have arguments. Winning a disagreement shouldn’t be an all-or-nothing competition. In fact, “winning” should never enter the emotional mix. According to couples married 50 years or longer – the “real-life” relationship experts, there are multiple, healthy ways to get past the bumps in the road, resolve discord and restore harmony in the relationship:

85/15 Rule

Have a willingness to accept that 85% of what you want may be good enough when 100% is not possible. Arguments often erupt when one individual has a more resolute opinion or greater conviction on an issue or problem than the other. Banter flies back and forth. This type of disagreement can be nipped quickly with negotiation that gives the person who feels strongest on the discussion topic 85% of his/her desired outcome; the other settles for 15%.

This raises the question: “No fair. Why should I concede?” In solid relationships, over the course of time and with practice, the 85% acquisition flip-flops according to the subject matter. By applying the “85/15 Rule,” argument resolution becomes a balancing act that occurs almost naturally.

Your Department vs. My Department

A wife always fails to hang up her wet towel after showering. Her husband always leaves his dirty dishes in the sink. In every relationship, each person has quirks, habits and characteristics that annoy the other – and trigger disputes. (If you’re unable to quickly identify them in your own relationship, ask yourself “What am I constantly nagging him/her about?”) Usually these issues have been in existence since day one of the relationship, and as hard as we may try, we never change the other person. If left unattended, these things gnaw away at the relationship.

In the wet towel vs. dirty dishes battle, the “Your Department vs. My Department” method of resolution works neatly. In this type of conflict, the husband simply accepts that he’s going to be hanging up wet towels for many, many years and likewise, his wife accepts that she’s going to be rinsing and loading dirty dishes into the dishwasher for many, many years. End of subject. End of stress. End of nagging. When both parties “embrace” their partner’s shortcomings, arguments cease.

Apply Positive Reinforcement

“Positive reinforcement” is an adjunct of “Your Department vs. My Department” in the arena of argument resolution. On occasions when your partner does the task you’re wanting he/she to do, express appreciation with a verbal “thank you” or hug or gentle peck on the cheek. In behavioral science, this is referred to as “positive reinforcement.” Just as Shamu at Sea World is rewarded with lots of delicious fish for performing a “task” and he’s therefore pleased to do it over and over again, remarkably, you may find that your tokens of appreciation similarly increase your mate’s willingness to perform the sore-spot task! Voila! By replacing nagging with positive reinforcement, there is greater possibility that the wife will hang up her wet towels more frequently and the husband will more willingly load his dirty dishes in the dishwasher.

Strength + Weakness = Power

Another way to solve disagreements is merging individual strengths and weaknesses. Things that have the potential to become a confrontation are, instead, transformed into couple “power.”

In the heat of controversy, take a step back to boil down what’s really at issue. It may be that conflict has arisen because one person has greater knowledge, information, experience, skill, talent or education than the other on the topic. In other words, one has a “strength” where the other has a “weakness.” A strength pit against a weakness turns into a fight.

A more favorable (and peaceful) way to handle these scuttles is to “blend” each individual’s strengths and weaknesses. Applying this practice creates a “team,” and gives a couple the ability and stability to achieve more, enjoy more, and have more fulfilling lives together.

Call A 30-Minute “Time Out”

Despite efforts to restrain tempers and contain bickering, there are times when nothing works to halt an argument. In the heat of battle, emotions can boil over, tempers flare and thought-processes blur. Now what?

When your child is overly agitated and misbehaves, a fitting response is to put the child in a “time-out.” The child is removed from the situation and taken to a location to reign in his/her emotions and cool off. “Time-out” works equally well for adults in a relationship.

When emotions are stirring and tempers are building, one of you needs to say “stop.” Call a "time-out." Set an alarm clock for 30 minutes and go in separate directions. No talking, no stares, no interaction. Utilize the half-hour for both of you to recollect your thoughts. Think about the problem. Re-focus. Regain your composure. When the alarm buzzes, reconvene. Have a civil discussion, get to the root of the matter, find a resolution and move on.

Chastise or Chuckle?

Your wife throws out the green-bean casserole in the refrigerator that you planned to eat with lunch. Your husband misreads a party invitation and the two of you show up on the wrong date. Simple blunders can launch warfare. Or not. In situations like these, you hit a fork in the road and must consciously decide, "Do I chastise or chuckle?"

Before you get your feathers in an uproar, stop. Stop and consider the bigger picture. How important is the error in the grand scheme of life? Does it significantly impact anything or anyone? Are the consequences irrefutable? Mistakes like these are usually worthy of a sincere apology followed by a big dose of laughter – together!

From an emotional standpoint, reacting to blunders with a sense of hu

ing the “85/15 Rule,” argument resolution becomes a balancing act that occurs almost naturally.

Your Department vs. My Department

A wife always fails to hang up her wet towel after showering. Her husband always leaves his dirty dishes in the sink. In every relationship, each person has quirks, habits and characteristics that annoy the other – and trigger disputes. (If you’re unable to quickly identify them in your own relationship, ask yourself “What am I constantly nagging him/her about?”) Usually these issues have been in existence since day one of the relationship, and as hard as we may try, we never change the other person. If left unattended, these things gnaw away at the relationship.

In the wet towel vs. dirty dishes battle, the “Your Department vs. My Department” method of resolution works neatly. In this type of conflict, the husband simply accepts that he’s going to be hanging up wet towels for many, many years and likewise, his wife accepts that she’s going to be rinsing and loading dirty dishes into the dishwasher for many, many years. End of subject. End of stress. End of nagging. When both parties “embrace” their partner’s shortcomings, arguments cease.

Apply Positive Reinforcement

“Positive reinforcement” is an adjunct of “Your Department vs. My Department” in the arena of argument resolution. On occasions when your partner does the task you’re wanting he/she to do, express appreciation with a verbal “thank you” or hug or gentle peck on the cheek. In behavioral science, this is referred to as “positive reinforcement.” Just as Shamu at Sea World is rewarded with lots of delicious fish for performing a “task” and he’s therefore pleased to do it over and over again, remarkably, you may find that your tokens of appreciation similarly increase your mate’s willingness to perform the sore-spot task! Voila! By replacing nagging with positive reinforcement, there is greater possibility that the wife will hang up her wet towels more frequently and the husband will more willingly load his dirty dishes in the dishwasher.

Strength + Weakness = Power

Another way to solve disagreements is merging individual strengths and weaknesses. Things that have the potential to become a confrontation are, instead, transformed into couple “power.”

In the heat of controversy, take a step back to boil down what’s really at issue. It may be that conflict has arisen because one person has greater knowledge, information, experience, skill, talent or education than the other on the topic. In other words, one has a “strength” where the other has a “weakness.” A strength pit against a weakness turns into a fight.

A more favorable (and peaceful) way to handle these scuttles is to “blend” each individual’s strengths and weaknesses. Applying this practice creates a “team,” and gives a couple the ability and stability to achieve more, enjoy more, and have more fulfilling lives together.

Call A 30-Minute “Time Out”

Despite efforts to restrain tempers and contain bickering, there are times when nothing works to halt an argument. In the heat of battle, emotions can boil over, tempers flare and thought-processes blur. Now what?

When your child is overly agitated and misbehaves, a fitting response is to put the child in a “time-out.” The child is removed from the situation and taken to a location to reign in his/her emotions and cool off. “Time-out” works equally well for adults in a relationship.

When emotions are stirring and tempers are building, one of you needs to say “stop.” Call a "time-out." Set an alarm clock for 30 minutes and go in separate directions. No talking, no stares, no interaction. Utilize the half-hour for both of you to recollect your thoughts. Think about the problem. Re-focus. Regain your composure. When the alarm buzzes, reconvene. Have a civil discussion, get to the root of the matter, find a resolution and move on.

Chastise or Chuckle?

Your wife throws out the green-bean casserole in the refrigerator that you planned to eat with lunch. Your husband misreads a party invitation and the two of you show up on the wrong date. Simple blunders can launch warfare. Or not. In situations like these, you hit a fork in the road and must consciously decide, "Do I chastise or chuckle?"

Before you get your feathers in an uproar, stop. Stop and consider the bigger picture. How important is the error in the grand scheme of life? Does it significantly impact anything or anyone? Are the consequences irrefutable? Mistakes like these are usually worthy of a sincere apology followed by a big dose of laughter – together!

From an emotional standpoint, reacting to blunders with a sense of h

uments cease.

Apply Positive Reinforcement

“Positive reinforcement” is an adjunct of “Your Department vs. My Department” in the arena of argument resolution. On occasions when your partner does the task you’re wanting he/she to do, express appreciation with a verbal “thank you” or hug or gentle peck on the cheek. In behavioral science, this is referred to as “positive reinforcement.” Just as Shamu at Sea World is rewarded with lots of delicious fish for performing a “task” and he’s therefore pleased to do it over and over again, remarkably, you may find that your tokens of appreciation similarly increase your mate’s willingness to perform the sore-spot task! Voila! By replacing nagging with positive reinforcement, there is greater possibility that the wife will hang up her wet towels more frequently and the husband will more willingly load his dirty dishes in the dishwasher.

Strength + Weakness = Power

Another way to solve disagreements is merging individual strengths and weaknesses. Things that have the potential to become a confrontation are, instead, transformed into couple “power.”

In the heat of controversy, take a step back to boil down what’s really at issue. It may be that conflict has arisen because one person has greater knowledge, information, experience, skill, talent or education than the other on the topic. In other words, one has a “strength” where the other has a “weakness.” A strength pit against a weakness turns into a fight.

A more favorable (and peaceful) way to handle these scuttles is to “blend” each individual’s strengths and weaknesses. Applying this practice creates a “team,” and gives a couple the ability and stability to achieve more, enjoy more, and have more fulfilling lives together.

Call A 30-Minute “Time Out”

Despite efforts to restrain tempers and contain bickering, there are times when nothing works to halt an argument. In the heat of battle, emotions can boil over, tempers flare and thought-processes blur. Now what?

When your child is overly agitated and misbehaves, a fitting response is to put the child in a “time-out.” The child is removed from the situation and taken to a location to reign in his/her emotions and cool off. “Time-out” works equally well for adults in a relationship.

When emotions are stirring and tempers are building, one of you needs to say “stop.” Call a "time-out." Set an alarm clock for 30 minutes and go in separate directions. No talking, no stares, no interaction. Utilize the half-hour for both of you to recollect your thoughts. Think about the problem. Re-focus. Regain your composure. When the alarm buzzes, reconvene. Have a civil discussion, get to the root of the matter, find a resolution and move on.

Chastise or Chuckle?

Your wife throws out the green-bean casserole in the refrigerator that you planned to eat with lunch. Your husband misreads a party invitation and the two of you show up on the wrong date. Simple blunders can launch warfare. Or not. In situations like these, you hit a fork in the road and must consciously decide, "Do I chastise or chuckle?"

Before you get your feathers in an uproar, stop. Stop and consider the bigger picture. How important is the error in the grand scheme of life? Does it significantly impact anything or anyone? Are the consequences irrefutable? Mistakes like these are usually worthy of a sincere apology followed by a big dose of laughter – together!

From an emotional standpoint, reacting to blunders with a sense of h

wn what’s really at issue. It may be that conflict has arisen because one person has greater knowledge, information, experience, skill, talent or education than the other on the topic. In other words, one has a “strength” where the other has a “weakness.” A strength pit against a weakness turns into a fight.

A more favorable (and peaceful) way to handle these scuttles is to “blend” each individual’s strengths and weaknesses. Applying this practice creates a “team,” and gives a couple the ability and stability to achieve more, enjoy more, and have more fulfilling lives together.

Call A 30-Minute “Time Out”

Despite efforts to restrain tempers and contain bickering, there are times when nothing works to halt an argument. In the heat of battle, emotions can boil over, tempers flare and thought-processes blur. Now what?

When your child is overly agitated and misbehaves, a fitting response is to put the child in a “time-out.” The child is removed from the situation and taken to a location to reign in his/her emotions and cool off. “Time-out” works equally well for adults in a relationship.

When emotions are stirring and tempers are building, one of you needs to say “stop.” Call a "time-out." Set an alarm clock for 30 minutes and go in separate directions. No talking, no stares, no interaction. Utilize the half-hour for both of you to recollect your thoughts. Think about the problem. Re-focus. Regain your composure. When the alarm buzzes, reconvene. Have a civil discussion, get to the root of the matter, find a resolution and move on.

Chastise or Chuckle?

Your wife throws out the green-bean casserole in the refrigerator that you planned to eat with lunch. Your husband misreads a party invitation and the two of you show up on the wrong date. Simple blunders can launch warfare. Or not. In situations like these, you hit a fork in the road and must consciously decide, "Do I chastise or chuckle?"

Before you get your feathers in an uproar, stop. Stop and consider the bigger picture. How important is the error in the grand scheme of life? Does it significantly impact anything or anyone? Are the consequences irrefutable? Mistakes like these are usually worthy of a sincere apology followed by a big dose of laughter – together!

From an emotional standpoint, reacting to blunders with a sense of h

you needs to say “stop.” Call a "time-out." Set an alarm clock for 30 minutes and go in separate directions. No talking, no stares, no interaction. Utilize the half-hour for both of you to recollect your thoughts. Think about the problem. Re-focus. Regain your composure. When the alarm buzzes, reconvene. Have a civil discussion, get to the root of the matter, find a resolution and move on.

Chastise or Chuckle?

Your wife throws out the green-bean casserole in the refrigerator that you planned to eat with lunch. Your husband misreads a party invitation and the two of you show up on the wrong date. Simple blunders can launch warfare. Or not. In situations like these, you hit a fork in the road and must consciously decide, "Do I chastise or chuckle?"

Before you get your feathers in an uproar, stop. Stop and consider the bigger picture. How important is the error in the grand scheme of life? Does it significantly impact anything or anyone? Are the consequences irrefutable? Mistakes like these are usually worthy of a sincere apology followed by a big dose of laughter – together!

From an emotional standpoint, reacting to blunders with a sense of humor restores a positive emotional climate and a sense of connection.

Laughter has adjunct physical benefits, too. Medical studies show that a good, hearty laugh helps reduce stress, lowers blood pressure, elevates your mood, boosts the immune system, protects the heart, increases oxygen in the blood, and improves brain functioning.

Keep The Faith

When two people share their lives for many years, it’s inevitable that, from time-to-time, conflicts of devastating proportion arise. Pain, hostility, disappointment, sadness and hurt can run deep. One wonders, “How could he do this to me?” or “If she really cared about me, this wouldn’t have happened.” A clear resolution is nowhere to be found.

If you are a spiritual or religious individual, it is in these moments, when the unbearable, the unthinkable occurs, a solution may be to lean on your faith. Believing in God can itself be healing. Spirituality and religion provide assurance that there will be a better day. Feeling connected to a faith can provide strength to forgive.

You Say Tom-ae–to, I say Tom-ah-to

No matter how long you’ve been married or in a relationship, a couple never sees eye-to-eye on everything. Sometimes opinions and beliefs are polar opposites. A key word in a successful marriage or relationship is “comprise.”’ Webster’s dictionary defines “compromise” as “to come to agreement by mutual concessions; settlement of differences by blending qualities of two different things.” Both people have a right to their opinions and beliefs. The important step is to give each other room to air your differences, consider options, then make decisions together.

On important issues, a certain amount of giving by both partners is paramount. “Giving” and “how much” depends on the subject or situation. In healthy relationships, the “weight” of giving alternates.

Kiss And Make Up or Wait ‘Til You Wake Up?

“When” is the best time to resolve a disagreement? Some couples are loyal to the “never go to bed angry” motto while other say “let’s sleep on it.”

Those who adhere to “never go to bed angry” say that they want to clear the air and wake up to a fresh new day. They stay up as late as necessary to figure out a resolution, then fall asleep with their love rekindled. They feel that nothing should supercede being able to kiss each other good night and honestly exchanging “I love you.”

On the other hand, there are couples who feel “let’s sleep on it” gives them flexibility to put a halt to the escalation of we’re-not-getting-anywhere-in-this-conversation syndrome. They go to sleep angry, but after a good night’s sleep, they wake up refreshed and can therefore, think more clearly. In fact, they often find that the subject matter of the argument has diminished in importance and may not even be worth wasting another minute on, or it’s actually quite easy to resolve!

Whichever "when" you choose in your relationship – "Kiss And Make Up" or "Wait 'Til You Wake Up" – depends upon your personalities and the dynamics of your partnership. Try both!