between couples get out of hand. Because they don’t understand what really goes on when something triggers an intense emotional response. And, in fact, your partner may not even be triggered by something between the two of you, but by something in their past that they’re not aware of because it hasn’t been brought into their conscious awareness yet. It could be as simple as something that happened during the day, the mere fact that they’re tired, or they may be responding to something that happened in their childhood that they’ve never resolved.

Now do you see why it’s so important when you notice yourself getting upset to take time off and walk off? Then you can more easily separate what’s going on with you by your respon

Do you get very upset whenever you have an argument with your partner? Does it usually escalate into a fight? Then, you have experienced “flooding”.

That’s a term that simply describes what it “feels like” in the heat of an argument — the body’s physiological response when we get flooded with emotion. And the emotions can range from anger and frustration to sadness and aloneness.

Did you also know that hormones come into play here? When we get flooded hormones surge throughout our body and we experience symptoms of flooding such as not being able to think clearly. In this state what do you think the odds are of trying to talk to, much less resolve anything with your partner? At some point, likely we’ve all experienced or witnessed the added disconnect that happens when the person who is flooded is met with a very calm response from their partner.

So if you want to have a heart-to-heart talk or solve a problem, resist the urge to do so when your partner is feeling flooded and/or upset because things will likely escalate into an argument since they’re not able to think clearly or be present enough to pay attention in the first place.

How do you begin to recognize when one of you is flooded? Start by asking questions such as: “Are you feeling overloaded? Are you feeling overwhelmed? Are you feeling flooded with emotion?”

Then if you partner admits to feeling flooded, you be the one to take the initiative, shelve what you were going to discuss and request a “time-out” for at least 20 minutes. Why? Because when you get flooded your heart rate increases (usually above 90 beats per minute) and the accumulative effect is detrimental to your health. So just walk away, calm down and don’t rehearse things over and over in your mind. The more you rehearse, the more anxious you become.

If you need help stopping your thoughts from getting away on you, make a list of everything that makes you feel good. For example, watch a comedy that makes you laugh, read a book that puts you in a different frame of mind, listen to some of your favorite music, or simply go for a quiet walk. Do whatever works to help you relax while you take time out from one another.

By the time you return to resume your topic of discussion (whether it’s 20 minutes or 24 hours later) make sure that you ask your partner if it’s also okay with them that you continue. It’s a matter of simply saying, “Is it O.K. now? Can we go on to discuss this?”

Small things make a big difference and asking demonstrates mutual respect for each other. If your partner does happen to say, “You know what. I’m still really upset. I can’t deal with this yet,” then give them the time they need because you won’t accomplish anything productive if they’re still flooded. Instead, the unclear thinking, hormones and conflicting emotions will escalate the conflict and, in the end, nothing will be resolved.

That’s why so many fights between couples get out of hand. Because they don’t understand what really goes on when something triggers an intense emotional response. And, in fact, your partner may not even be triggered by something between the two of you, but by something in their past that they’re not aware of because it hasn’t been brought into their conscious awareness yet. It could be as simple as something that happened during the day, the mere fact that they’re tired, or they may be responding to something that happened in their childhood that they’ve never resolved.

Now do you see why it’s so important when you notice yourself getting upset to take time off and walk off? Then you can more easily separate what’s going on with you by your respons

or witnessed the added disconnect that happens when the person who is flooded is met with a very calm response from their partner.

So if you want to have a heart-to-heart talk or solve a problem, resist the urge to do so when your partner is feeling flooded and/or upset because things will likely escalate into an argument since they’re not able to think clearly or be present enough to pay attention in the first place.

How do you begin to recognize when one of you is flooded? Start by asking questions such as: “Are you feeling overloaded? Are you feeling overwhelmed? Are you feeling flooded with emotion?”

Then if you partner admits to feeling flooded, you be the one to take the initiative, shelve what you were going to discuss and request a “time-out” for at least 20 minutes. Why? Because when you get flooded your heart rate increases (usually above 90 beats per minute) and the accumulative effect is detrimental to your health. So just walk away, calm down and don’t rehearse things over and over in your mind. The more you rehearse, the more anxious you become.

If you need help stopping your thoughts from getting away on you, make a list of everything that makes you feel good. For example, watch a comedy that makes you laugh, read a book that puts you in a different frame of mind, listen to some of your favorite music, or simply go for a quiet walk. Do whatever works to help you relax while you take time out from one another.

By the time you return to resume your topic of discussion (whether it’s 20 minutes or 24 hours later) make sure that you ask your partner if it’s also okay with them that you continue. It’s a matter of simply saying, “Is it O.K. now? Can we go on to discuss this?”

Small things make a big difference and asking demonstrates mutual respect for each other. If your partner does happen to say, “You know what. I’m still really upset. I can’t deal with this yet,” then give them the time they need because you won’t accomplish anything productive if they’re still flooded. Instead, the unclear thinking, hormones and conflicting emotions will escalate the conflict and, in the end, nothing will be resolved.

That’s why so many fights between couples get out of hand. Because they don’t understand what really goes on when something triggers an intense emotional response. And, in fact, your partner may not even be triggered by something between the two of you, but by something in their past that they’re not aware of because it hasn’t been brought into their conscious awareness yet. It could be as simple as something that happened during the day, the mere fact that they’re tired, or they may be responding to something that happened in their childhood that they’ve never resolved.

Now do you see why it’s so important when you notice yourself getting upset to take time off and walk off? Then you can more easily separate what’s going on with you by your respon

ing to discuss and request a “time-out” for at least 20 minutes. Why? Because when you get flooded your heart rate increases (usually above 90 beats per minute) and the accumulative effect is detrimental to your health. So just walk away, calm down and don’t rehearse things over and over in your mind. The more you rehearse, the more anxious you become.

If you need help stopping your thoughts from getting away on you, make a list of everything that makes you feel good. For example, watch a comedy that makes you laugh, read a book that puts you in a different frame of mind, listen to some of your favorite music, or simply go for a quiet walk. Do whatever works to help you relax while you take time out from one another.

By the time you return to resume your topic of discussion (whether it’s 20 minutes or 24 hours later) make sure that you ask your partner if it’s also okay with them that you continue. It’s a matter of simply saying, “Is it O.K. now? Can we go on to discuss this?”

Small things make a big difference and asking demonstrates mutual respect for each other. If your partner does happen to say, “You know what. I’m still really upset. I can’t deal with this yet,” then give them the time they need because you won’t accomplish anything productive if they’re still flooded. Instead, the unclear thinking, hormones and conflicting emotions will escalate the conflict and, in the end, nothing will be resolved.

That’s why so many fights between couples get out of hand. Because they don’t understand what really goes on when something triggers an intense emotional response. And, in fact, your partner may not even be triggered by something between the two of you, but by something in their past that they’re not aware of because it hasn’t been brought into their conscious awareness yet. It could be as simple as something that happened during the day, the mere fact that they’re tired, or they may be responding to something that happened in their childhood that they’ve never resolved.

Now do you see why it’s so important when you notice yourself getting upset to take time off and walk off? Then you can more easily separate what’s going on with you by your respon

y the time you return to resume your topic of discussion (whether it’s 20 minutes or 24 hours later) make sure that you ask your partner if it’s also okay with them that you continue. It’s a matter of simply saying, “Is it O.K. now? Can we go on to discuss this?”

Small things make a big difference and asking demonstrates mutual respect for each other. If your partner does happen to say, “You know what. I’m still really upset. I can’t deal with this yet,” then give them the time they need because you won’t accomplish anything productive if they’re still flooded. Instead, the unclear thinking, hormones and conflicting emotions will escalate the conflict and, in the end, nothing will be resolved.

That’s why so many fights between couples get out of hand. Because they don’t understand what really goes on when something triggers an intense emotional response. And, in fact, your partner may not even be triggered by something between the two of you, but by something in their past that they’re not aware of because it hasn’t been brought into their conscious awareness yet. It could be as simple as something that happened during the day, the mere fact that they’re tired, or they may be responding to something that happened in their childhood that they’ve never resolved.

Now do you see why it’s so important when you notice yourself getting upset to take time off and walk off? Then you can more easily separate what’s going on with you by your respon

between couples get out of hand. Because they don’t understand what really goes on when something triggers an intense emotional response. And, in fact, your partner may not even be triggered by something between the two of you, but by something in their past that they’re not aware of because it hasn’t been brought into their conscious awareness yet. It could be as simple as something that happened during the day, the mere fact that they’re tired, or they may be responding to something that happened in their childhood that they’ve never resolved.

Now do you see why it’s so important when you notice yourself getting upset to take time off and walk off? Then you can more easily separate what’s going on with you by your response to any given situation.