The truth is, I’m actually scared to death about money and harbor a whole lot of meanings around it in relationships. I never wanted to look at the financial side of relationships. I had kept my finances separate from my husband’s in my previous relationships and had never depended on them for anything.

Asking Paul to help me was one of the scariest things in the world.

And lo and behold: when Paul gave me that commitment -- -that we are going to work together as a team and that I don't have to be afraid of being put out, destitute, to

You see, I always thought that money was something to be dealt with and then ignored, but relationships were to be cherished and talked about. I thought I had a lot of perspective on the money thing and I thought that the two should never be intertwined. What a romantic I was!

I have always had a secure income. I haven’t always had a lot of money, but at least I always had a steady income. I was able to provide for myself and my daughter and a rather expensive international child custody case to have her with me.

So I figured that I had the money thing all figured out.

At the same time, I always believed that money was the enemy. That money was the root of all evil.

Money was used as an instrument of manipulation in my family. If we got money for something from my parents, then it was held against us the next time we complained or were unhappy: "Are you going to do this after all of the money we just put into your education?" "Your father works very hard to earn the money that buys you these opportunities and you’re going to act like this?"

It wasn’t difficult to arrive at the conclusion that money would get you in trouble.

On the other hand, there were relationships. I knew that Love is pure and unencumbered with the mundane realities of everyday life. I knew (in the sense that a 17 year old thinks she knows everything) that love has nothing to do with money. I knew that when you find your soul mate, you’ll know – and nothing, not even money, will come between you and him, and you’ll live happily ever after.

And you’ll never have to talk about money. He’ll just know what you require (financially) and provide it to you out of pure love.

And I have to admit that even as I write this, it still sounds great to me. I kind of still subscribe to those romantic notions – even 30 years and three marriages later.

And then, last weekend, I had a rebirth, an awakening: I could finally see the light. Paul and I had a heart-to-heart about our financial situation. It was painful. I cried a lot. Here I had to tell my ‘soul mate’ what I required financially. It truly hurt.

And then, it truly felt wonderful. I told him what I thought I would need financially. And THEN he agreed that he could do that for me. It just seemed so backward to me. He was just supposed to KNOW!

The truth is, I’m actually scared to death about money and harbor a whole lot of meanings around it in relationships. I never wanted to look at the financial side of relationships. I had kept my finances separate from my husband’s in my previous relationships and had never depended on them for anything.

Asking Paul to help me was one of the scariest things in the world.

And lo and behold: when Paul gave me that commitment -- -that we are going to work together as a team and that I don't have to be afraid of being put out, destitute, to f

So I figured that I had the money thing all figured out.

At the same time, I always believed that money was the enemy. That money was the root of all evil.

Money was used as an instrument of manipulation in my family. If we got money for something from my parents, then it was held against us the next time we complained or were unhappy: "Are you going to do this after all of the money we just put into your education?" "Your father works very hard to earn the money that buys you these opportunities and you’re going to act like this?"

It wasn’t difficult to arrive at the conclusion that money would get you in trouble.

On the other hand, there were relationships. I knew that Love is pure and unencumbered with the mundane realities of everyday life. I knew (in the sense that a 17 year old thinks she knows everything) that love has nothing to do with money. I knew that when you find your soul mate, you’ll know – and nothing, not even money, will come between you and him, and you’ll live happily ever after.

And you’ll never have to talk about money. He’ll just know what you require (financially) and provide it to you out of pure love.

And I have to admit that even as I write this, it still sounds great to me. I kind of still subscribe to those romantic notions – even 30 years and three marriages later.

And then, last weekend, I had a rebirth, an awakening: I could finally see the light. Paul and I had a heart-to-heart about our financial situation. It was painful. I cried a lot. Here I had to tell my ‘soul mate’ what I required financially. It truly hurt.

And then, it truly felt wonderful. I told him what I thought I would need financially. And THEN he agreed that he could do that for me. It just seemed so backward to me. He was just supposed to KNOW!

The truth is, I’m actually scared to death about money and harbor a whole lot of meanings around it in relationships. I never wanted to look at the financial side of relationships. I had kept my finances separate from my husband’s in my previous relationships and had never depended on them for anything.

Asking Paul to help me was one of the scariest things in the world.

And lo and behold: when Paul gave me that commitment -- -that we are going to work together as a team and that I don't have to be afraid of being put out, destitute, to

On the other hand, there were relationships. I knew that Love is pure and unencumbered with the mundane realities of everyday life. I knew (in the sense that a 17 year old thinks she knows everything) that love has nothing to do with money. I knew that when you find your soul mate, you’ll know – and nothing, not even money, will come between you and him, and you’ll live happily ever after.

And you’ll never have to talk about money. He’ll just know what you require (financially) and provide it to you out of pure love.

And I have to admit that even as I write this, it still sounds great to me. I kind of still subscribe to those romantic notions – even 30 years and three marriages later.

And then, last weekend, I had a rebirth, an awakening: I could finally see the light. Paul and I had a heart-to-heart about our financial situation. It was painful. I cried a lot. Here I had to tell my ‘soul mate’ what I required financially. It truly hurt.

And then, it truly felt wonderful. I told him what I thought I would need financially. And THEN he agreed that he could do that for me. It just seemed so backward to me. He was just supposed to KNOW!

The truth is, I’m actually scared to death about money and harbor a whole lot of meanings around it in relationships. I never wanted to look at the financial side of relationships. I had kept my finances separate from my husband’s in my previous relationships and had never depended on them for anything.

Asking Paul to help me was one of the scariest things in the world.

And lo and behold: when Paul gave me that commitment -- -that we are going to work together as a team and that I don't have to be afraid of being put out, destitute, to

And then, last weekend, I had a rebirth, an awakening: I could finally see the light. Paul and I had a heart-to-heart about our financial situation. It was painful. I cried a lot. Here I had to tell my ‘soul mate’ what I required financially. It truly hurt.

And then, it truly felt wonderful. I told him what I thought I would need financially. And THEN he agreed that he could do that for me. It just seemed so backward to me. He was just supposed to KNOW!

The truth is, I’m actually scared to death about money and harbor a whole lot of meanings around it in relationships. I never wanted to look at the financial side of relationships. I had kept my finances separate from my husband’s in my previous relationships and had never depended on them for anything.

Asking Paul to help me was one of the scariest things in the world.

And lo and behold: when Paul gave me that commitment -- -that we are going to work together as a team and that I don't have to be afraid of being put out, destitute, to

The truth is, I’m actually scared to death about money and harbor a whole lot of meanings around it in relationships. I never wanted to look at the financial side of relationships. I had kept my finances separate from my husband’s in my previous relationships and had never depended on them for anything.

Asking Paul to help me was one of the scariest things in the world.

And lo and behold: when Paul gave me that commitment -- -that we are going to work together as a team and that I don't have to be afraid of being put out, destitute, to fend for myself, then something huge opened up for me.

My heart opened, my spirit lifted, I feel lighter and freer than I have in a long, long time.

Now it's like we're in a whole new relationship. We're goofy in love again, can't get enough of each other and keep giving each other sappy smiles and kiss all of the time.

And it was all financial security that made the big difference for me. I don't know if Paul experienced a shift around things this weekend that also brought him closer. I'll get back to you on that.

All I know is that for me, finally discussing my needs around money, instead of just hiding in my romantic notions of the knight in shining armor, has opened my heart.

I hate that -- I hate that my relationship has to have anything to do with money. But I guess it does.