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Add You - Don't Be the Victim of the People Pleasing Quadrant!
It is a neat twist of politics and business; it is a paradox that enables the Alabama State to collect more taxes. Interestingly, while the government in Alabama is spending more money to discourage people from smoking, it stealthily banks on cigarette taxes to fund its medical programs, prisons, mental health centers and other vital organs of government.In fact, cigarette tax is amazingly the state third largest source of income on its general budget, surpassing even property taxes which rank fifth. It is expected that the state will collect approximately $182 million in cigarette taxes this year. It is not alone, however. Georgia is poised to collect about $247 million, Florida $452 million and Michigan a whapping $1.1 billion.Results have indicated that efforts to discourage smoking have had little, if any effect at all, on the number of people who continues to smoke. In 2004, the Alabama Legislature and Gov. Bob Riley past a bill that raised taxes on cigarette from 16.5 cents a pack to 42.5 cents. This more than double increase in cigarette taxes had no effect on the general consumption o
One of the keys to creating a successful business is finding a market niche that is small enough to corner the market but big enough to make money. Let me tell you about a few people who have done that well, and why it works for them.Tony Cox, Catalog Solutions: Tony only focuses on small specialty foods catalog companies. He's found a niche that is very profitable and he has developed a national reputation for being able to grow customer lists and improve profitability for these small companies. This works for him because there are plenty of small specialty foods companies that need help, and he is able to significantly make a difference in their return on investment because he knows how to drive more business their way.Joan Stewart, The Publicity Hound, shares her publicity expertise every week with over 12,000 subscribers. By concentrating on how to get terrific publicity, Joan specializes in something that every small business wants and needs. She has become "the" publicity expert, and is sought after for her public speaking and articles. When companies ask her to write a marketing plan (
If you buy your lover flowers, and they come home to tell you they just received a raise at work – the flowers you give them are just going to add to their joy, and you are going to have a wonderful evening.
However, if you buy your lover flowers, and they come home to tell you they just got fired from work – they may look at the flowers and give a quick smile just to acknowledge you and quickly go back to sulking – or worse, they may be hateful and yell, “WHAT GOOD ARE FLOWERS GOING TO DO ME NOW?!?!? ARE THEY HIRING FLORISTS?!?!”
Of course, this is common sense – but it is a perfect example of why people pleasing doesn’t work 100% of the time. You will never be able to predict what kind of mood anyone is going to be in all the time, simply because things will always happen outside of our control. Consequently, your happiness or misery is in the other person’s hands, which puts you into a very vulnerable position.
I have developed what I call, “The People Pleasing Quadrant” to broaden readers awareness of what people-pleasing is, and what to do once those people-pleasing tendencies rear their ugly heads. Quadrant means “four” which means there are four different situations you will find yourself in that you will need to develop strategies to combat your people-pleasing tendencies. The four situations are as follows:
Quadrant # 1: Dealing with the people you like or love when those people ALSO like or love you in return:
This first quadrant is the easiest to manage, because at least you genuinely like or love the person you are dealing with, and they like or love you as well. However, remember the example we used above about the lover losing their job and the flowers? No matter how much you like or love someone, or how much they like or love you, bad things happen sometimes. We all say things we don’t mean. The trick is to not take the people you care about personally, and feel responsible for “fixing” them. Let the person you like and love be hurt, angry, mad, and upset. It doesn’t have to affect your core happiness, although you can sympathize with the person and let them know you will be there for them, if they want to talk. Besides, this person cares about you – and they don’t want to drag you down, just because they are having a bad day. Give them a little space, and let things sort themselves out. Spend your energy focusing on more productive ventures, such as going for a jog to get in shape, studying for an important test, or reading a book that is of interest to you. People-pleasing is really annoying to people who like or love you already. They don’t expect you to make everything better, they just need some time to get over it.
Quadrant # 2: Dealing with the people you like or love when those people DON’T like or love you in return:
The second quadrant is oftentimes the most painful quadrant to come to terms with, regardless if it is about a “friend,” family member, or lover. Once in a great while, we can like or even love someone who doesn’t like or love us in return. We do everything in our power to be “good” enough, “supportive” enough, “encouraging” enough, “kind” enough, whatever enough! But somehow, it is never enough, and it never will be.
Once in awhile, these people we like or love are nice to us out of pity, guilt, regret or remorse – or because we are fulfilling some kind of need for them that they don’t want to give up. Don’t mistake their temporary kindness as genuine concern! Because honestly, these people don’t like or love us at all. It could be for a variety of reasons, but those reasons don’t have anything to do with you. The trick for getting over people-pleasing in this quadrant is to realize what quadrant these people belong in, and come to terms with the fact that they don’t like or love you. On the other hand, realize that there are millions of other people out here who would absolutely adore you. Realize that you are wasting your valuable and precious time with people pleasing, especially in this quadrant, because no matter what you do, it won’t matter. Just move on to someone who will like, love and appreciate the beautiful person you are.
We have said it before; if you volunteer to do something make sure you do it. The same is true of being dependable for showing up when you have agreed to be at a specific location. Can you imagine having a group of volunteers agreeing to cook a meal for the elderly and the crew does not show up? I have been to events where people have had to scramble to fill a crucial spot at an event by doing more than one job. Do not be that person that is deemed unreliable for being on time and in place as agreed. The best way to make sure you are reliable is to confirm the day before the event about what your duties will be and where and when you will be meeting. Many people forget to do the confirmation and find that their job, time and location have been changed. You may be thinking that the organization should be communicating the changes but often this falls through the cracks and some unsuspecting volunteer gets lost in the process. If you are always there on time you will gain a reputation of being dependable. Those around you will know that they can rely on you to get things done. It will free the
I have developed what I call, “The People Pleasing Quadrant” to broaden readers awareness of what people-pleasing is, and what to do once those people-pleasing tendencies rear their ugly heads. Quadrant means “four” which means there are four different situations you will find yourself in that you will need to develop strategies to combat your people-pleasing tendencies. The four situations are as follows:
Quadrant # 1: Dealing with the people you like or love when those people ALSO like or love you in return:
This first quadrant is the easiest to manage, because at least you genuinely like or love the person you are dealing with, and they like or love you as well. However, remember the example we used above about the lover losing their job and the flowers? No matter how much you like or love someone, or how much they like or love you, bad things happen sometimes. We all say things we don’t mean. The trick is to not take the people you care about personally, and feel responsible for “fixing” them. Let the person you like and love be hurt, angry, mad, and upset. It doesn’t have to affect your core happiness, although you can sympathize with the person and let them know you will be there for them, if they want to talk. Besides, this person cares about you – and they don’t want to drag you down, just because they are having a bad day. Give them a little space, and let things sort themselves out. Spend your energy focusing on more productive ventures, such as going for a jog to get in shape, studying for an important test, or reading a book that is of interest to you. People-pleasing is really annoying to people who like or love you already. They don’t expect you to make everything better, they just need some time to get over it.
Quadrant # 2: Dealing with the people you like or love when those people DON’T like or love you in return:
The second quadrant is oftentimes the most painful quadrant to come to terms with, regardless if it is about a “friend,” family member, or lover. Once in a great while, we can like or even love someone who doesn’t like or love us in return. We do everything in our power to be “good” enough, “supportive” enough, “encouraging” enough, “kind” enough, whatever enough! But somehow, it is never enough, and it never will be.
Once in awhile, these people we like or love are nice to us out of pity, guilt, regret or remorse – or because we are fulfilling some kind of need for them that they don’t want to give up. Don’t mistake their temporary kindness as genuine concern! Because honestly, these people don’t like or love us at all. It could be for a variety of reasons, but those reasons don’t have anything to do with you. The trick for getting over people-pleasing in this quadrant is to realize what quadrant these people belong in, and come to terms with the fact that they don’t like or love you. On the other hand, realize that there are millions of other people out here who would absolutely adore you. Realize that you are wasting your valuable and precious time with people pleasing, especially in this quadrant, because no matter what you do, it won’t matter. Just move on to someone who will like, love and appreciate the beautiful person you are.
Sure, we've all had those days. You head for work in a foul mood, dreading another eight hours of monotony and tedium. There's nowhere to go within the company and your boss is no help, so you fight the urge to tell off your manager and quit on the spot, just like in that old Johnny Paycheck song.Ever wonder, however, if it's not the job, but your perspective?For many people, getting stuck in a rut on their career path is a common occurrence. Lacking goals, motivation, or an ability to shake loose the ties that bind them, many workers simply play out the same routine day in and day out, living a life that includes a career that leaves them unfulfilled and wanting for more.Whether you're one of those people, or just know someone like that, it may help to know that "stuck-in-a-rut" behavior is so common that an entire career field has grown by leaps and bounds in response to a perceived need to help people find the motivation to move on to bigger and better things. Building on the popularity of life coaching, career coaching is an increasingly popular way to help people dig themselves ouiest to manage, because at least you genuinely like or love the person you are dealing with, and they like or love you as well. However, remember the example we used above about the lover losing their job and the flowers? No matter how much you like or love someone, or how much they like or love you, bad things happen sometimes. We all say things we don’t mean. The trick is to not take the people you care about personally, and feel responsible for “fixing” them. Let the person you like and love be hurt, angry, mad, and upset. It doesn’t have to affect your core happiness, although you can sympathize with the person and let them know you will be there for them, if they want to talk. Besides, this person cares about you – and they don’t want to drag you down, just because they are having a bad day. Give them a little space, and let things sort themselves out. Spend your energy focusing on more productive ventures, such as going for a jog to get in shape, studying for an important test, or reading a book that is of interest to you. People-pleasing is really annoying to people who like or love you already. They don’t expect you to make everything better, they just need some time to get over it.
Quadrant # 2: Dealing with the people you like or love when those people DON’T like or love you in return:
The second quadrant is oftentimes the most painful quadrant to come to terms with, regardless if it is about a “friend,” family member, or lover. Once in a great while, we can like or even love someone who doesn’t like or love us in return. We do everything in our power to be “good” enough, “supportive” enough, “encouraging” enough, “kind” enough, whatever enough! But somehow, it is never enough, and it never will be.
Once in awhile, these people we like or love are nice to us out of pity, guilt, regret or remorse – or because we are fulfilling some kind of need for them that they don’t want to give up. Don’t mistake their temporary kindness as genuine concern! Because honestly, these people don’t like or love us at all. It could be for a variety of reasons, but those reasons don’t have anything to do with you. The trick for getting over people-pleasing in this quadrant is to realize what quadrant these people belong in, and come to terms with the fact that they don’t like or love you. On the other hand, realize that there are millions of other people out here who would absolutely adore you. Realize that you are wasting your valuable and precious time with people pleasing, especially in this quadrant, because no matter what you do, it won’t matter. Just move on to someone who will like, love and appreciate the beautiful person you are.
1. Determine How Much You'll Need.While financial pressures play a big role in how much people save. Often times people undersave for their future because they don't realize how much they'll need when that future arrives.30% of workers believe they can live comfortably in retirement with a nest egg worth less than five times their current income.While another 27% believe a comfortable retirement can be had with a nest egg between five and 10 times what they earn.The Employee Benefit Research Institute estimates men need to have 12 times their annual income saved to retire comfortably. A woman, because of her higher life expectancy needs to have 14 times her annual income saved.2. Don't Count on a Pension or Other Supplemental Retirement BenefitsThink the estimate from number 1 is high. In this day and age retirement benefits supplementing savings and social security such as pensions and company paid health benefits are proving to be the exception rather than the rule.Expectations though haven't changed accordingly. 62% of re more productive ventures, such as going for a jog to get in shape, studying for an important test, or reading a book that is of interest to you. People-pleasing is really annoying to people who like or love you already. They don’t expect you to make everything better, they just need some time to get over it.
Quadrant # 2: Dealing with the people you like or love when those people DON’T like or love you in return:
The second quadrant is oftentimes the most painful quadrant to come to terms with, regardless if it is about a “friend,” family member, or lover. Once in a great while, we can like or even love someone who doesn’t like or love us in return. We do everything in our power to be “good” enough, “supportive” enough, “encouraging” enough, “kind” enough, whatever enough! But somehow, it is never enough, and it never will be.
Once in awhile, these people we like or love are nice to us out of pity, guilt, regret or remorse – or because we are fulfilling some kind of need for them that they don’t want to give up. Don’t mistake their temporary kindness as genuine concern! Because honestly, these people don’t like or love us at all. It could be for a variety of reasons, but those reasons don’t have anything to do with you. The trick for getting over people-pleasing in this quadrant is to realize what quadrant these people belong in, and come to terms with the fact that they don’t like or love you. On the other hand, realize that there are millions of other people out here who would absolutely adore you. Realize that you are wasting your valuable and precious time with people pleasing, especially in this quadrant, because no matter what you do, it won’t matter. Just move on to someone who will like, love and appreciate the beautiful person you are.
If you haven’t taken a moment to scout new credit card offers, the time has arrived. Credit card companies are battling for the largest client base, and as a result, consumers are on the receiving end of very attractive benefits. One of the most popular types of cards on the market today is the cash back reward card. Although the logistics change depending on the financial institution, the result is the same: get cash back on every purchase!Below are the top four cash back rewards cards; check out the benefits and choose the one that’s right for you. I’ve chosen these particular offers because of the size of the rewards and because of low interest rates.Chase Cash Plus Rewards Visa CardThis is one of my favorite cards because Chase doesn’t bog down the customer with a laundry list of rules and regulations. With some available cards, you have to follow very specific guidelines in order to receive rewards. With the Cash Plus Rewards Visa, all you have to do is use the card, and you’ll get cash back.Every time you use the card at a grocery store, gas station or drug store, yve are nice to us out of pity, guilt, regret or remorse – or because we are fulfilling some kind of need for them that they don’t want to give up. Don’t mistake their temporary kindness as genuine concern! Because honestly, these people don’t like or love us at all. It could be for a variety of reasons, but those reasons don’t have anything to do with you. The trick for getting over people-pleasing in this quadrant is to realize what quadrant these people belong in, and come to terms with the fact that they don’t like or love you. On the other hand, realize that there are millions of other people out here who would absolutely adore you. Realize that you are wasting your valuable and precious time with people pleasing, especially in this quadrant, because no matter what you do, it won’t matter. Just move on to someone who will like, love and appreciate the beautiful person you are.
Quadrant # 3: Dealing with the people you DON’T like or love when those people DO like or love you.
Most of the people-pleasing in this quadrant comes out of guilt, pity or personal gain. Although I must admit, it is really hard not to like someone who likes you, but you may be able to definitely see that the other person likes or loves you WAY more than you like or love them.
I believe my grandmother taught me a very gracious lesson about how to handle situations in quadrant three. One day, a boy who just moved into my neighborhood decided to ask me out on a date. He really had a crush on me, and I could tell. However, I didn’t feel the same way about him. But I did enjoy all of the flowers, candy and attention he gave me.
At the time, I didn’t see anything wrong with taking whatever he was willing to give. But my grandmother pulled me aside and told me why it wasn’t nice to encourage gestures and lead a person on, especially when I knew his intentions. Of course, I liked him as a person because he was so sweet. But the truth of the matter is, he was wasting his time courting me when I wasn’t interested. Although I could have continued to use him, I went with granny’s advice and politely told him that I could no longer accept gifts because I was not interested in dating anyone at that time. However, we decided to be friends and did fun things together on occasion. He found a new girlfriend who truly adored him to pieces, and fell in love with her. The last I heard, they were planning to get married. The moral of the story is, he was a sweetheart, and deserved to find someone who liked and loved him. It would be selfish of me to stand in the way of that.
Quadrant # 4: Dealing with the people you DON’T like when they DON’T like you either!
A person will rarely find themselves in this quadrant when it comes to their personal life, unless it has to do with Ex-Lovers or step families. Otherwise, you can just get up and walk away, which is why quadrant four is reserved mostly for the work place and figures of authority!
People-pleasing in this quadrant reflects suppressed feelings, and putting up with a lot of emotional, mental and verbal abuse. It can be because you are afraid of losing your job or because you are afraid of the person themselves. In situations like this, it is always best to get a third party involved, because for one reason or another – you are forced to deal with this person, and they are forced to deal with you. Neither one of you are going to be able to compromise about a reasonable solution on your own, because both of you don’t care what is in the other’s best interest! There needs to be a mediator who can look at the situation objectively on neutral ground, and come up with a reasonable solution. Don’t be afraid to be the bigger person and ask for outside help. It is the only way the conflict will be resolved.
In matters dealing with the family, it may be best to go to counseling, join a support group, or bring a person from the outside into the situation. Remember, your goal is to conserve energy, and focus on how you can change things, and make them head in a positive direction. Be a part of the solution, not the problem. If everyone else wants to wallow in their misery and problems, you can let them do just that. But you can choose something different.
In closing, when you eliminate people pleasing in your life for good – it is always great to have the awareness that you only have a one in four shot of really hitting it off with somebody special! (In case you
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