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Add You - Exposing the Perfection Fallacy: We Grow in Love and in Relationships through Our Mistakes
There was a time that seems like decades ago when people with less than pristine credit were not able to get home loans. At that time people with bad credit were all but assured that their dreams of homeownership would never come to fruition. Luckily, for many people, those days are long gone.Homeownership is possible for people with bad credit and no credit history at all thanks in large part to a multitude of loan packages made available by countless lenders. Good people with bad credit can now get approved for mortgages and despite what you may have heard from a well intended but misinformed friend or family members, these loans can be at very competitive rates.In today's economy if mortgages were made available only to people with pristi
Why would people waste the gift of their love on others who do not have enough self-regard to give growth to themselves?
Would you give people diamonds if every time they took them they flushed them down the toilet?
How many times would you keep reaching deep within to bring forth the diamonds of your heart and soul to give them to a person who flushes your gifts down the toilet?
So, my friend, if you have been stumbling, I do suggest you acknowledge this to yourself, first. And if you have found diamonds in one person on this Earth who you know truly loves you, then I do suggest you get up and do your best to walk again. Walk over to this person, and hold them. Give them a hug and say, "Thank you for being here for me." Say, "I am going to do my best, even if it is just a baby step at a time; I am going to do my bes
Defining one’s business accurately is the real starting point when talking about businesses for sale. It is the prime requisite for selecting the right opportunities and for steering the corporation in the right direction. To make sense out of the multifarious changes taking place in the environment, to understand what is a possible benefit and what could be a hidden threat, a corporation must first understand what business it is in. It must know what its aspirations are, where exactly it would like to reach and what it would like itself to be in the future.Proper definition of the business does bring several benefits to the firm. It reveals to the firm many relevant functions about its functioning which it may not be aware of otherwise; many close
One thing is certain:
When two people love, love truly, love deeply,
they will make mistakes.
They will walk and then stumble. They will walk in love and stumble from fear. But you can be certain that as long as you get up and decide to walk again, the one you love will always be there for you, after you stumble, after you decide to walk again.
You cannot ever lose a true love when you make mistakes, when you stumble, when you temporarily return to some old pattern you are seeking to replace with healthier new ones. So go ahead: walk, stumble, and look up. You will see the one who truly loves you is still there, waiting to walk beside you again, so you may one day run in laughter and pleasure together.
It is a complete fallacy to believe
that perfect love means perfection.
Here is the truth:
Perfect love means growing from and learning from imperfection,
recognizing your mistakes, and becoming your
best. This is what relationships are all about:
Sharing your life with the one you love,
the one who loves you in spite of your mistakes,
the one who expects you to grow and learn,
stumble, and walk again, by their side.
We grow in love and in relationships through our mistakes. We do not grow in isolation or in theory.
We grow from hard experience: making mistakes, hurting, regretting, crying, realizing, making new choices, healing, and showing our new growth. We can do that only in relationships. They are sacred ground because of their astounding effects on our personal growth.
You will discover that the word "forgiveness" is the balm that soothes the scrapes after you stumble with every mistake you make.
"Forgive" means "to you, for you, I give my love, no matter how many times you may stumble."
That love is the gift for you, given for you when you risk taking personal responsibility to acknowledge your mistakes, your fears, and your failure to live up to your very best.
Mistakes are most commonly made when your fear of opening your true heart becomes stronger than your need to share your love. Or when you try so hard to get love from another and you behave in such a needy, clingy fashion that you drive the other away – because you have not yet learned how to genuinely give love to yourself.
So, what happens? You lose the one you love, you throw or push him away. But, because true love never dies, you realize your loss; and the pain and the regret you feel swells up inside of you casting out fear, replacing it with the truth of your love.
Now you want your love back, so you are ready to show your true feelings; you are willing to show the real, empowered you.
That is why so many love songs are written about wanting your real love back, about being reunited with your true love. Real love cannot ever die. It certainly cannot be killed by space, time, distance, or fear. It also cannot die when you stumble. So as your desire for your true love swells up inside, you want your love back. This is a dangerous game to play. Sometimes your love will reunite with you, forgive you, and be there for you, but there is a limit. There is a limit to how much one is willing to go back to the old ways. So if you don’t work hard to replace old patterns with new ones, you risk losing this real love forever.
There is only one way to avoid that loss: Grow. Learn from your past errors. Learn and grow beyond the restrictions of ego and beyond the doubts of self-worth. Give to your self, give for you! And as you do this, the other will forgive you. Give, and you shall receive.
If your love is pure, if your lessons have been acknowledged, if your efforts are moving in a healthy direction, you will be forgiven of your past mistakes.
Why would people waste the gift of their love on others who do not have enough self-regard to give growth to themselves?
Would you give people diamonds if every time they took them they flushed them down the toilet?
How many times would you keep reaching deep within to bring forth the diamonds of your heart and soul to give them to a person who flushes your gifts down the toilet?
So, my friend, if you have been stumbling, I do suggest you acknowledge this to yourself, first. And if you have found diamonds in one person on this Earth who you know truly loves you, then I do suggest you get up and do your best to walk again. Walk over to this person, and hold them. Give them a hug and say, "Thank you for being here for me." Say, "I am going to do my best, even if it is just a baby step at a time; I am going to do my best
It’s not unusual for clients of service providers to insist that their budget dollars be quickly applied to a variety of flashy tactics. Yet, when pressed, many acknowledge that what they REALLY want for their money is visible, end-game change.This is especially true in public relations where clients often second-guess careful plans for achieving that end-game change by insisting on premature use of tactics like news releases, talk-show appearances and sports sponsorships.But obviously, flashy tactics alone will not satisfy those clients once they start looking for a return on their public relations investment. Because it is then that it becomes clear, sometimes painfully, that their goal MUST be the kind of change in the
Sharing your life with the one you love,
the one who loves you in spite of your mistakes,
the one who expects you to grow and learn,
stumble, and walk again, by their side.
We grow in love and in relationships through our mistakes. We do not grow in isolation or in theory.
We grow from hard experience: making mistakes, hurting, regretting, crying, realizing, making new choices, healing, and showing our new growth. We can do that only in relationships. They are sacred ground because of their astounding effects on our personal growth.
You will discover that the word "forgiveness" is the balm that soothes the scrapes after you stumble with every mistake you make.
"Forgive" means "to you, for you, I give my love, no matter how many times you may stumble."
That love is the gift for you, given for you when you risk taking personal responsibility to acknowledge your mistakes, your fears, and your failure to live up to your very best.
Mistakes are most commonly made when your fear of opening your true heart becomes stronger than your need to share your love. Or when you try so hard to get love from another and you behave in such a needy, clingy fashion that you drive the other away – because you have not yet learned how to genuinely give love to yourself.
So, what happens? You lose the one you love, you throw or push him away. But, because true love never dies, you realize your loss; and the pain and the regret you feel swells up inside of you casting out fear, replacing it with the truth of your love.
Now you want your love back, so you are ready to show your true feelings; you are willing to show the real, empowered you.
That is why so many love songs are written about wanting your real love back, about being reunited with your true love. Real love cannot ever die. It certainly cannot be killed by space, time, distance, or fear. It also cannot die when you stumble. So as your desire for your true love swells up inside, you want your love back. This is a dangerous game to play. Sometimes your love will reunite with you, forgive you, and be there for you, but there is a limit. There is a limit to how much one is willing to go back to the old ways. So if you don’t work hard to replace old patterns with new ones, you risk losing this real love forever.
There is only one way to avoid that loss: Grow. Learn from your past errors. Learn and grow beyond the restrictions of ego and beyond the doubts of self-worth. Give to your self, give for you! And as you do this, the other will forgive you. Give, and you shall receive.
If your love is pure, if your lessons have been acknowledged, if your efforts are moving in a healthy direction, you will be forgiven of your past mistakes.
Why would people waste the gift of their love on others who do not have enough self-regard to give growth to themselves?
Would you give people diamonds if every time they took them they flushed them down the toilet?
How many times would you keep reaching deep within to bring forth the diamonds of your heart and soul to give them to a person who flushes your gifts down the toilet?
So, my friend, if you have been stumbling, I do suggest you acknowledge this to yourself, first. And if you have found diamonds in one person on this Earth who you know truly loves you, then I do suggest you get up and do your best to walk again. Walk over to this person, and hold them. Give them a hug and say, "Thank you for being here for me." Say, "I am going to do my best, even if it is just a baby step at a time; I am going to do my bes
Most people will do their part when recycling programs are available, but unless they know that the programs exist how can they participate. You see, folks these days are so busy with the days events that they often do not have time to go seek out all the cool recycling programs.Some of the most progressive cities have programs for used waste oil, old paint and many other hazardous substances as well as a plastics, glass and paper or cardboard recycling program. But people need to know about all these things to participate and they need to understand what to do with all their recyclables.One of the neatest recycling public relations programs I think I ever saw was promoting a recycling program in Ventura, California, where those who threw aw
Mistakes are most commonly made when your fear of opening your true heart becomes stronger than your need to share your love. Or when you try so hard to get love from another and you behave in such a needy, clingy fashion that you drive the other away – because you have not yet learned how to genuinely give love to yourself.
So, what happens? You lose the one you love, you throw or push him away. But, because true love never dies, you realize your loss; and the pain and the regret you feel swells up inside of you casting out fear, replacing it with the truth of your love.
Now you want your love back, so you are ready to show your true feelings; you are willing to show the real, empowered you.
That is why so many love songs are written about wanting your real love back, about being reunited with your true love. Real love cannot ever die. It certainly cannot be killed by space, time, distance, or fear. It also cannot die when you stumble. So as your desire for your true love swells up inside, you want your love back. This is a dangerous game to play. Sometimes your love will reunite with you, forgive you, and be there for you, but there is a limit. There is a limit to how much one is willing to go back to the old ways. So if you don’t work hard to replace old patterns with new ones, you risk losing this real love forever.
There is only one way to avoid that loss: Grow. Learn from your past errors. Learn and grow beyond the restrictions of ego and beyond the doubts of self-worth. Give to your self, give for you! And as you do this, the other will forgive you. Give, and you shall receive.
If your love is pure, if your lessons have been acknowledged, if your efforts are moving in a healthy direction, you will be forgiven of your past mistakes.
Why would people waste the gift of their love on others who do not have enough self-regard to give growth to themselves?
Would you give people diamonds if every time they took them they flushed them down the toilet?
How many times would you keep reaching deep within to bring forth the diamonds of your heart and soul to give them to a person who flushes your gifts down the toilet?
So, my friend, if you have been stumbling, I do suggest you acknowledge this to yourself, first. And if you have found diamonds in one person on this Earth who you know truly loves you, then I do suggest you get up and do your best to walk again. Walk over to this person, and hold them. Give them a hug and say, "Thank you for being here for me." Say, "I am going to do my best, even if it is just a baby step at a time; I am going to do my bes
I receive on average 8-10 e-mails each week asking if bolding or changing font color to red is the same a yelling or screaming. Is it the same as using all caps? It can be. Most who ask me these questions are trying to interpret what the person who sent them an e-mail really meant. They aren't sure and don't want to assume. But they know. Bolding and red type means the other side is trying to make a point they don't want you to overlook!When you take the time and make the extra effort to bold or change font colors on certain words or statements you are making an emphasis. Now, the tricky part is how is that emphasis going to be perceived by the person(s) on the other side?That depends. The very same e-mail sent to different people ca
There is only one way to avoid that loss: Grow. Learn from your past errors. Learn and grow beyond the restrictions of ego and beyond the doubts of self-worth. Give to your self, give for you! And as you do this, the other will forgive you. Give, and you shall receive.
If your love is pure, if your lessons have been acknowledged, if your efforts are moving in a healthy direction, you will be forgiven of your past mistakes.
Why would people waste the gift of their love on others who do not have enough self-regard to give growth to themselves?
Would you give people diamonds if every time they took them they flushed them down the toilet?
How many times would you keep reaching deep within to bring forth the diamonds of your heart and soul to give them to a person who flushes your gifts down the toilet?
So, my friend, if you have been stumbling, I do suggest you acknowledge this to yourself, first. And if you have found diamonds in one person on this Earth who you know truly loves you, then I do suggest you get up and do your best to walk again. Walk over to this person, and hold them. Give them a hug and say, "Thank you for being here for me." Say, "I am going to do my best, even if it is just a baby step at a time; I am going to do my bes
A young man in Siemens of Brazil got a transfer to Siemens in Virginia in December of 2005. I was talking to him and he was filled with hope. He should be. There is plenty of opportunity and getting a home loan in the US has a very low, low rate.In Brazil, there is a stark difference. Home loans are a whopping annual 120%! Take that rate and apply it to the US economy and guess what will happen. (Besides the screaming of Usary! Usary!) The economy slows down. That's what. The US economy would come to a screaching crawl.On top of that, Brazilian law doesn't protect dwellers. Take my case for example. I signed a 3 year lease with an owner of a small apartment building in 2003. Shortly after I signed the contract, he sold the buildi
Why would people waste the gift of their love on others who do not have enough self-regard to give growth to themselves?
Would you give people diamonds if every time they took them they flushed them down the toilet?
How many times would you keep reaching deep within to bring forth the diamonds of your heart and soul to give them to a person who flushes your gifts down the toilet?
So, my friend, if you have been stumbling, I do suggest you acknowledge this to yourself, first. And if you have found diamonds in one person on this Earth who you know truly loves you, then I do suggest you get up and do your best to walk again. Walk over to this person, and hold them. Give them a hug and say, "Thank you for being here for me." Say, "I am going to do my best, even if it is just a baby step at a time; I am going to do my best so I can have the best person for me in my life as my friend, as my lover. And that person is you." Do and say that if you have been withholding love.
But if you have been pouring a reservoir of love on to another, then you shine for you. Indulge in your life, your goals, your own worth, and your achievements, and dare to show how you don’t need anymore. But it is a gift for another to enjoy your company. A pure gift – not in a cocky or conceited way but in a glowing way, a way glowing with self-love, self-respect, self-validation, and sheer joy. Do you think you could ever lose with this approach?
For when someone truly loves you, they know that they too have stumbled in the past, they too were once filled with regret from making mistakes, and they too came to you and acknowledged where they went wrong. And you forgave them and walked hand in hand.
So go, walk, stumble, learn, apologize, forgive, and treasure the love you have found. Don’t let it go. Don’t grow old with regret as your companion. Risk opening your heart, risk shining from within, and the love and inner peace you find will forever soothe your soul.
© Copyright by Barbara Rose, All Rights Reserved. Excerpt from Individual Power: Reclaiming Your Core, Your Truth and Your Life. Published by The Rose Group (2003) ISBN: 097414570X
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